The All-Time Fantasy Football Team

I love football. NFL football to be specific. While NBA basketball is my first love and will be number one on my sports priorities at least for the foreseeable future, I love NFL football for a completely different set of reasons. Unlike the NBA (Lakers), I have no emotional vestige in the NFL. And I love that. (That will probably change when/if LA gets an NFL team.) But nevertheless, I probably follow the NFL more closely than any other sports (including the NBA). Why? FANTASY FOOTBALL of course...

So I decided to make a list of my all-time FANTASY FOOTBALL starting line-up. Here are a couple of things to take note of before you go balls deep (pun intended) into this list...

1. This list is about fantasy football. Not real football. So the players here might not be the best at their positions. It's all about the stats. Not about championships, talent, skills, clutchness, pedigree, etc. That's why guys like Joe Montana, Jim Brown, Barry Sanders, and Terrell Davis are not on this list.

2. The modern game of football has seen an explosion in the offensive part of the game. The game is quicker and much more complex (especially the offense) than in the past. Touchdowns, yardage, and scoring is on the rise. That's why if you look up the stats, most of the all-time leaders in major offensive categories will be relatively modern players. So naturally, this list will contain mostly modern players.

3. There are many fantasy football formats. For the purposes of this list, I have chosen to go with the format that I have personally played in for more than 10 years. It consists of QB WR WR WR RB RB TE K DEF.

4. In order to determine who should be on this list, I have used several factors besides the obvious one, which is stats. I have taken account injury risk as well. Has the player been relatively healthy and durable throughout his career? Consistency is also considered when determining a player's fantasy value. That includes year to year as well as game to game consistency.

5. I have left out the emerging stars. This is because they are still young and we don't know what their careers will turn into. So great fantasy ballers like Aaron Rodgers, Matthew Stafford, Cam Newton, Arian Foster, Rob Gronkowski, Jimmy Graham, Larry Fitzgerald, and even Calvin Johnson have been left off the list...for now...

So without further a due, here is the list:

Quarterback - Peyton Manning

Whether Peyton Manning is the greatest quarterback of all-time or not is a question that can be debated for hours and hours. But you know what is an undisputed fact? Peyton Manning is the greatest quarterback of all-time in fantasy football. Just like with any all-time ranking, this doesn't mean he's the best fantasy quarterback right now. It doesn't even mean he had the greatest fantasy season ever. (Guys like Brady and Brees have had better individual seasons.) It just means he has been the greatest throughout his overall career. Here are a few statistics to prove it. If you didn't know them, they are pretty amazing.

1. During the first 13 years of his career, Peyton Manning did not miss a single game! THIRTEEN YEARS! Most football players don't last 13 total years in the league. Until recently when Manning missed the entire season last year, he was the most durable player in fantasy football history. (Except for Bret Favre, but with Favre's interception totals, sometimes his fantasy owners wished he would miss a game or two.)

2. With the exception of his rookie year, Peyton Manning has thrown for at least 4000 years every single year of his career. That's incredible. Throwing 4000 yards is not easy. To do it year in year out was nearly impossible. Notice I said "was". The last couple of years the league has evolved into a passing league. So 4000 yards will eventually be the average. But that was not the case when Manning was in his heyday.

Brady is a much better fantasy quarterback now and has been recently. After Manning had the greatest fantasy season of all time in 2004 (49TD/10INT), Brady came back in 2007 and had an even better season (50TD/8INT). Remember in the beginning I mentioned consistency. Peyton Manning has been a fantasy football stud his entire career. Brady on the other hand, was considered more of a Derek Jeter type during the first half of his career. He was someone with great intangibles and knew how to win but just an average quarterback when you looked at the numbers. Only during the second half of his career did Brady turn into a fantasy monster. A combination of Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez. But as the old football adage goes...if you have 2 quarterbacks, you have none. And since there can only be one, there is no one worthy of being our all-time fantasy football starting quarterback, other than the one and only...Peyton Manning!!!

Wide Receiver 1 - Jerry Rice

This is the biggest no-brainer of all time. Are you kidding me? Jerry Rice owns almost every single receiving record ever. Forget being the best receiver, Jerry Rice is considered to be the greatest football player ever by many people. He's the Michael Jordan of the NFL. Just look at his career stats. Find me a wide receiver who has had a better career. To give you an example, the following are the statistical career categories that Jerry Rice leads. Look at how much distance there is between him and the next guy:

Career receptions
1. Jerry Rice (1549)
2. Tony Gonzalez (1154)
Difference: 395 receptions (To give you an example of how big this difference is, 395 receptions is how many receptions Greg Jennings, a pro-bowl star receiver who has been playing for 6 years has. It is also the same amount of receptions Nate Burleson has, who has been a starting WR in the NFL for 9 years.)

Career receiving yards
1. Jerry Rice (22895)
2. Terrell Owens (15934)
Difference: 6961 yards (This is approximately the same amount yards as the career yardage for the following star/well known receivers: Wes Welker, Antonio Freeman, TJ Houshmandzadeh, Dwight Clark, Brandon Marshall, Deon Branch.)

Career receiving TD
1. Jerry Rice (197)
2. Randy Moss (154)
Difference: 43 TDs (43 TDs is approximately equal to the career TDs of Roddie White, Dallas Clark, Terry Glenn, TJ Houshmandzadeh, Lee Evans, Todd Heap, and Jason Whitten.)

In addition to these, Jerry Rice is the all-time leader in overall TDs, points scored by non-kicker, yards from scrimmage, and all-purpose yards. This is incredible considering the fact that there is a whole bunch of great running backs, and Rice was a WR.

He had 4 seasons with 1500 yards, 9 seasons with over 1200 yards, 6 seasons with over 1300 yards, and 13 seasons with over 1000 yards!!! In 1995, the dude had 1848 yards!!!! Incredible. He was also remarkably durable. The man played 20 years in the NFL. That's a possible 320 games. Out of those, Jerry Rice only missed 18 games!!! I am not sure why I spent so much time explaining how good Jerry Rice was. I am pretty sure I didn't need to convince anyone that he belongs on this fantasy team.

Wide Receiver 2 - Terrell Owens

I don't care what you think about Terrell Owens' personality. Sure he was a bad teammate. Sure he was selfish. Sure was a locker room cancer. But fantasy football doesn't care. Fantasy football is all about the numbers. And when it comes to the numbers, Terrell Owens was really really really fucking good. One of the most talented players to ever step foot on the football field, TO was a touchdown machine. I am sure guys like Calvin Johnson and Larry Fitzgerald will replace TO when I make this list 5 years from now, but for now, TO belongs as the number 2 WR on the all-time fantasy football team.

Wide Receiver 3 - Randy Moss











With his combination of height, speed, and hands, Randy Moss is the most talented and naturally gifted receiver ever. The problem with Randy is consistency. Randy Moss played the game one of two ways. He was either all-in or all-out. His career numbers clearly reflect that. But when Randy Moss was all in, boy was he fucking good! In 2007, he had the second single greatest season by a WR ever (1493/23) behind Jerry Rice's 1995 season (1848/22). As a rookie, he had 1313 yards and 17 TDs!!!

Running Back 1 - LaDainian Tomlinson

In his prime, LT was a beast when it came to fantasy football! And when it came to fantasy football, LT was in his prime pretty much his entire career. LT probably had the longest stretch of time of any player where he was considered a fantasy football number 1 pick. Here is why:

1. From 2001 to 2008, he was a shoe-in  to get a guaranteed 1500 yards, double digit TDs, and near 2000 yards from scrimmage.

2. In 2006, LT had the greatest offensive season of all-time and the greatest fantasy football season for a non-QB. He had more than 1800 yards rushing, more than 500 yards receiving, more than 2300 yards from scrimmage, and total of FREAKING 31 TOUCHDOWNS!!! (28 rushing, 3 receiving) That's insane.

3. In that same 2001-2008 stretch, LT only missed ONE GAME!!!!!

Running Back 2 - Marshall Faulk

Marshall Faulk is one my favorite players of all time. Why? Unlike Randy Moss, Marshall Faulk wasn't naturally gifted. He wasn't the fastest or the strongest or the most talented. He kind of looked fat. I don't know how the hell Marshall Faulk did what he did on the football field. The man had a special ability to make something out of nothing. He also had brains. And also, a big part of it was the great offense he was playing in. Marshall Faulk was a true running back and a true WR. The man used to line up in the backfield, in the slot, on the edge. It didn't matter. He knew how to run. He knew how to catch. He knew how to catch and then run. Marshall Faulk was one of the most versatile players in NFL history! Here are some crazy Marshall Faulk stats.

1. In 1999, Marshall Faulk had more than 1300 rushing yards AND more than 1000 RECEIVING YARDS!!!! Are you kidding me??? The man was a RB and he had over 1000 receiving yards. The year before and the year after, he did pretty much the same thing with more than 900 and 800 receiving yards.

2. Marshall Faulk had more than 2000 yards from scrimmage for 4 years in a row!!!! (1998-2001)

3. As a rookie, Marshall Faulk had more than 1800 yards from scrimmage (1200 rushing/600 receiving) and 12 TDs. AS A ROOKIE!!!!!

4. Even in his waning years (2002-2004), when he was getting old, due to his versatility as a receiver, Marshall Faulk managed to get more than 1000 yards from scrimmage as an aging out-of-his-prime veteran.

Tight End - Tony Gonzalez

This is going to be a moot point in a few years after Rob Gronkowski and Jimmy Graham have had a few years under their belts. But for now, this one is not even close. Are you kidding me? For all of you Antonio Gates fans, just go ahead and compare Tony Gonzalez and Antonio Gates' careers. Look at the total numbers, average numbers, and also durability. Then come back and tell me who belongs on this team as the starting tight end:

Tony Gonzalez Career Stats vs. Antonio Gates Career Stats

Kicker - Adam Vinatieri

Anyone that has played fantasy football knows you just can't spend too much time researching on your kicker. So I won't spend much time here. There are two big factors that go into deciding your kicker. First is the team's offensive powers. Second is the kicker's ability to make kicks. Adam Vinateiri was strong in both. He played for the great Brady's Patriots offense and then for Manning's Colts offense. And we all know the man could make a field goal with the best of them.

Defense - Baltimore

Over the years, there have been many great defenses in fantasy football. Some are pretty new and used to suck. Like the 49ers, Texans, and Jets. Others used to be great but now are not. Like the Buccaneers, Bears, and Eagles. But there has only been one team that has been a true great defense pretty much the entire time during the fantasy football era. That is the Baltimore Ravens! When is the last time you heard the Ravens giving up 30+ points? Can you remember? Me neither.

The Bench

Tom Brady 
See the Peyton Manning Section

Marvin Harrison
Who do you think was the beneficiary of all of those great Peyton Manning years?

Tory Holt
Extremely underrated. The man was a top 5 WR year in and year out.

Antonio Gates
See the Tony Gonzalez section. The only other option is Antonio Gates.

Adrian Peterson
Three words: Fantasy football beast!!!!! Still has many years ahead of him to move into the starting line up if injuries don't keep him out.

Emmitt Smith
One word: CONSISTENCY!!!!!

To summarize, here is my ALL-TIME FANTASY FOOTBALL TEAM

QB - Peyton Manning
WR - Jerry Rice
WR - Terrell Owens
WR - Randy Moss
RB - LaDanian Tomlinson
RB - Marshall Faulk
TE - Tony Gonzalez
K - Adam Vinatieri
Def - Baltimore Ravens
Bench - Tom Brady
Bench - Marvin Harrison
Bench - Tory Holt
Bench - Antonio Gates
Bench - Adrian Peterson
Bench - Emmitt Smith

Thanks for reading!
Yours truly,
The King of Nothing

Extra Sauce = No Sauce (AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!)

If you have been reading my blog, you may have noticed I have a very wide range of variety when it comes to the type of writing I do. Some of my articles are very serious and tackle real world issues like healthcare and education. Some of them are kind of serious/kind of sarcastic commentaries on society. Some of them are about sports. Some are lists and rankings. And some are just straight up rants littered with insults and curse words. Let me tell you right now...this one is going to be one of those. But this is not one of my average rants. It is not just an excuse to type "fuck" 50 times and let out the anger built up from everyday life. Some of you may know this, but a great man once said (As a matter of fact one of the greatest men ever)...cursing is the male equivalent to menstruation. Being recently married, I just learned that women have these things called periods! Who knew? I guess they are necessary for women to release certain substances. In the same way, a true man curses in order to let out what needs to be let out. My menstruation cycle comes in the form of the rants I write on my blog. But this rant is much more than that. It is an issue that is very close to my heart...

Why the fuck is it that whenever you ask for something in today's modern world, you always get the exact fucking opposite? It has a become some kind of hard and fast law of physics that you will always get the opposite of what you asked for every single goddamn time! Like Newton's Law or something. What the fuck has this world come to? Is this what we have turned into as a society? Didn't Darwin say evolution is supposed to make a species better? How the fuck are we going backwards? What the fuck are these people thinking?

Let me give you some specific examples. As a side note, I would just like to say that no matter what I write here, at the end of the day, I still love Taco Bell. But every single fucking time I go to Taco Bell, I ask for some specific things. They not very hard at all to do. Monkeys can figure it out. Or maybe not. The humans working there cannot figure it out so you never know. To make it easier, here is a list of the specific things I usually ask for.

1. Add guacamole on the supreme nachos
2. Add extra red sauce on the bean burrito
3. Put a "whole bunch of fire sauce" in the bag

Now if you asked me to bet every single penny of my tiny financial worth, including my Benz, and you  can even include the lives of my family and friends, I would wager it all on the fact that one or more of those requests will not be made. THESE FUCKING BABOONS WORKING IN THE TACO BELL KITCHEN ARE OUT OF CONTROL!!!!! THEY SHOULD ALL BE ARRESTED, TRIED, AND CONVICTED FOR CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY.

Almost every motherfucking time I get my food, there is absolutely no guacamole on the nachos! Is this too much to ask for? All you have to do it look on the screen and read "add guacamole" under the supreme nachos. Then you take the guacamole dispenser full of old, dirty, not fresh, yummy guacamole and press the button until a bunch of green crap squirts out on the nachos, like a baby taking a shit! It's not that hard. Don't even get me start on the fucking bean burrito. Judging from the amount of red sauce on the burrito, I have no other choice but to think that they are intentionally fucking with me. The amount of red sauce on that shit is so minuscule, that I always wonder if they would have given me more sauce if I had not said anything at all! And do I need to even say anything about the amount of fire sauce packets? Let me ask you a question. Please it answer it honesty. When someone asks you for "a whole bunch of" something, would any reasonably thinking person take that to mean three? Thank you.

Unfortunately, this kind of incompetence is not limited to Taco Bell. Recently I went to Olive Garden, (for the last time ever by the way) and I asked for my pasta to be extra saucy. Do I even have to tell you what fucking came back? That's right. Pasta with virtually no sauce. God help me. Even more unfortunately, this shit is not limited to food. When you order something online, you have to fucking pray harder than Tim Tebow in front of cameras in order to make sure you get exactly what you paid for. When you are getting some work done on your house, you have to literally put yourself all up in the guy's ass and watch his every move in order to make sure he doesn't fuck up. What the fuck is wrong with people? If I had one wish, I would not ask for eternal happiness, or a billion dollars. You know what I would ask for? I WOULD ASK FOR FOR THE ABILITY TO READ THESE ASSHOLES' MINDS SO THAT I CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT, IF ANYTHING, IS GOING THROUGH THEIR FUCKING BRAIN WHEN THEY ARE DOING THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF WHAT I REQUESTED!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I have to take a break. I think I just broke the 'H' key on by keyboard.

Ok I am back. I have written about how our society is being ravaged by a wave of laziness, self-entitlement, carelessness, and dishonesty. But the most dangerous thing out of all of these is INCOMPETENCE. We are becoming more and more of an incompetent race. The events of the movie Planet of the Apes are much closer to being a possible reality than they were say...50 years ago. Forget occupy Wall Street. Forget healthcare. Forget education. Forget the economy. We as a society need to first and foremost fix the problem of incompetence. Because if we don't...like I said before, our society will be going to hell in a hand basket...if the basket doesn't break first.

Thanks for reading!
Yours truly,
The King of Nothing

The Middle Ground. Where Did it Go?

I am not sure if all of you know but a lot has happened since the last time I wrote. Mainly, I got married. Wait a minute...let me retype that in a manner that better represents how I feel about this: HOLY MOTHER OF GOD...I JUST FUCKING GOT MARRIED...LIKE WITH A REAL GIRL AND EVERYTHING...IT'S LIKE HAVING A PERSON ATTACHED TO ME AT ALL TIMES...HOLY SHIT I HAVE A WIFE NOW...HOW THE HELL CAN THAT HAPPEN? I AM STILL A CHILD! I AM WAY TOO IMMATURE FOR THIS... AREN'T THERE LAWS TO MAKE SURE THIS KIND OF THING DOESNT HAPPEN??? HOLY SHIT I AM FREAKING MARRIED!!!

[After a few minutes of blankly staring at the wall contemplating on what the hell has just happened to me in the last few days...] Ok! I am back. So as I was saying...a lot has happened. Besides the wedding, I took three weeks off work...saw and hung out with lot of family and friends-some of whom I haven't seen in years, went on a vacation of a lifetime, had a major health concern with a close family member, and had another family member who just had two twin girls. It was a pretty eventful couple of weeks for sure. But the point is that it provided me with some awesome material for the blog (not that I needed it). Unfortunately, I was so busy, so I didn't even get a chance to look at my blog's stats let alone actually write something. But now I have some free time...so here it goes. 

Do you ever catch yourself saying or thinking, "Whatever happened to...?" Usually when people say this, they refer to something or someone in the past that is no longer in use or seen today. Like VHS tapes, Thrifty ice cream, or the kid from Home Alone. But lately I have been saying more and more of this to myself...and usually referring to CONCEPTS! Things like chivalry, honesty, integrity, good work ethic, etc. So I decided to write about one of those "Whatever happened to..." things. I am sure you all know what the endangered species list is. Well...think of this as an endangered concept. This idea is no longer existent or is very close to being wiped out. It is the idea of the Middle Ground. So here we go...

Have you been following the news lately? Almost every single issue/story/event is analyzed in terms of the very extreme sides of the spectrum. Here are some examples.

1. President Obama is looked at as either the second coming of Jesus Christ by the liberals or a commy socialist by the conservatives. He is somewhere in the middle.

2. Ravi Dharun, the Indian kid who videotaped his gay roommate who later committed suicide is either a homophobic bully who committed murder or a victim of the media's overreacting agenda. People choose to ignore the fact that the kid who committed suicide suffered from many psychological and depression issues long before he met Ravi. He had a family who wasn't totally accepting of his homosexuality. Ravi had actually sent text messages to the kid apologizing for some of the hateful acts he had done. Is he still at fault? Yes. But his true guiltiness is somewhere in the middle of the two extremes.  

3. Gun violence is entirely the fault of pro-gun laws or entirely the fault of people. People either want to completely outlaw guns, or completely allow them. I am sure there is some middle ground that can be found on this issue, like banning assault weapons and/or having stricter background checks and some sort of continual system of checking or testing those that want to buy guns...or something!

When the hell did society become like this? In all of those issues above, the TRUTH is probably somewhere in the middle. I am still pretty young so I am not entirely sure but wasn't there more middle ground back in the day? I do seem to recall in my high school history class the concept of compromise used to come up a lot. When is the last time someone considered the concept of compromise as a first-line resort rather than a last ditch effort? When is the last time Democrats and Republicans actually put the issue ahead of their party interests? One of my lifelong missions in life is to reintroduce this middle ground approach to the world. Any time myself or someone close to me has a problem, I am always going to consider compromise and the middle ground as an option. And believe me, the problems will come. (Read the first paragraph if you want to know why the problems will come...)

Speaking of which, one perfect little example of this already occurred in my young and short marriage life. On the second day after my wedding, my wife and I were planning on going to Universal Studios. Before we left, she asked me if I can show her how to use the washing machine after we come back so she could do laundry. Now, if you know me, you know that I don't know the first thing about how to use the washing machine in my house. So I told her I didn't know how to use it, and she decided she will figure it out later. Now here is the problem that I envisioned in my head after I had this conversation with my wife: Since we were leaving for the entire day, my mom would be home and she would see the dirty clothes in our room and maybe...just maybe...she might have a thought like "Oh, my son's wife didn't think to do anything about this laundry." (I am not saying she had this thought but she COULD have.) And this wouldn't be fair to my wife because she actually DID have the thought. So what should I do?

If you were to solve this problem according to what society does nowadays, which is ignore the middle ground, you would either do one of two things: 1. Leave the laundry and risk making a bad impression about your wife to your mother or 2. Figure out the laundry before leaving the house and be late for Universal Studios and push everything back for the entire day.

Fortunately, there is such a thing as middle ground. The solution might seem very simple to many of you. It may be so obvious that you might think reading this was a waste of time. But you would be surprised how sometimes the most obvious and simple solutions are often ignored...leading to things like failed marriages. The solution was...I told my wife to ask my mom how to work the washing machine before we left. This accomplishes a very important thing. It looks good to my mom that my wife is taking the initiative. Secondly, my mom knows we have to go to Universal Studios so she will undoubtedly say something like, "Don't worry about it because you guys have to leave so I will show you after you guys come back." So it's not DOING the laundry that's important right now, it's about SHOWING my mom that she had the thought to do it. (And after all, she DID originally have the thought, which is the most important thing.) This solution offers the middle ground and is a win-win. And it worked out EXACTLY, like how I had envisioned. See? This marriage thing ain't that hard. I don't know why everybody is trippin...

Since that day, I have made many tiny little compromises. Even a stubborn asshole like me has to sacrifice something if I want a successful marriage. It's too bad our society is going away from this idea. Society as a whole has become one big stubborn asshole. The only way it will learn, is if all of the little individual stubborn assholes that make up the one big stubborn asshole can change the way they approach things and learn the concept of the middle ground. So if you know any of these tiny little stubborn assholes...please refer them to this blog!

Thanks for reading!
Yours truly,
The King of Nothing

The Dream Team: 1992 vs. 2012

So I have seen so much about this whole Dream Team issue and who is the better team between 1992 and 2012. First Kobe started talking shit about how they are more athletic and how the 1992 team was not in their prime. Then Barkley and Jordan fired back saying how they are smarter and most of the people on the 1992 were in their prime. Then the media got a whiff of this and ran wild like a Kenyan in a marathon. First of all, I don't understand how its news when Kobe Bryant says his team would win. No shit you morons! What did you expect? Did you think the Black Mamba would think or say anything different? More importantly, do you want your olympic leader to have any other attitude besides that? The same goes for Jordan and Barkley. All of these guys are the ultimate competitors so even if they had me and you as their  best teammates, they would think their team was the best. So let's dismiss all of the hype and talk about basketball. Smart basketball. Logical basketball. Let me break this bitch down by asking the right questions!

Question 1: Which team has the most superstars in their prime? 

Answer: The 1992 Team (Sorry Kobe but you wrong on this one)

Read the question again. Notice I didn't ask which team has the most PLAYERS in their prime? I asked about SUPERSTARS in their prime. There is a difference. For example, the 2012 has Andre Iguodala. He is in his prime. But what difference does that make? He's still not better than the 1992 Magic who was not in his prime. Same can be said of Christian Laettner and Tyson Chandler. So the real question is which team has the most superstars in their prime? Here is the breakdown:

1992 - Prime Superstars (9) 

1. David Robinson 

2. Karl Malone

3. Charles Barkley

4. Michael Jordan

5. Patrick Ewing

6. Scottie Pippen

7. Clyde Drexler

8. John Stockton

9. Chris Mullin

The others: Magic and Bird on the back end of their career. Laettner not a superstar.

2012 - Prime/Entering their prime Superstars (7.5)

1. Lebron James

2. Kevin Durant (Entering his prime)

3. Chris Paul

4. Kevin Love (Entering his prime)

5. Carmelo Anthony

6. Russel Westbrook (Entering his prime)

7. Deron Williams

7.5 Blake Griffin (He can go either way depending how he decides to approach his career. If he wants to be great and work on his flaws then he's not in his prime. If he doesn't, then we have pretty much seen his ceiling.)

The others: Let's not kid ourselves. Kobe is nowhere close to his prime despite the numbers. Tyson Chandler and Andre Iguodala are not superstars. James Harden not a superstar. Maybe he will be in the future.

Question 2: Which team has better athletes?

Answer: The 2012 Team. But it's closer than you think. 

Every time someone thinks about the 1992 team, they think about an aging Bird with a messed up back lying around in practicing and barely playing. Or a fat Barkely or aging Magic. But that wasn't the case. There were some crazy athletes on that team. Michael Jordan and Clyde Drexler in their prime were as good of an athlete as anybody in the history of the league. David Robinson. Are you kidding me? He was easily a top 5 big man of all time in terms of athletic ability. Karl Malone's body was that of a Greek god. With all that said, the 2012 team is just loaded with athletic ability. Lebron James is the greatest athlete in NBA history. Some people who would argue with that may throw in names like Russell Westbrook and Blake Griffin, who are both on the team as well. Deron Williams is as quick and strong of a PG as there has ever been. Iguodala is a monster athlete as well. Even the players on this team that are not known for their athletic ability are pretty good athletes. (Kevin Durant/Carmelo Anthony)

Question 3: Which team has the smarter players?

Answer: The 1992 Team. And it's not even close. 

The players on the 1992 team are much smarter only because where they were at that point in their careers. All of the 1992 players (except Laettner) were in the middle of their career or on the back end. There was no one that was just starting off his career. So they had a bunch of years of experience. The 2012 team on the other hand, mostly has players that are in the middle of their career or on the earlier part of their career. They are still learning. Let's list all of the cerebral players. 1992 has Michael Jordan, David Robinson, Magic Johnson, John Stockton, Larry Bird who were popularly known as very smart players. Even the other players like Barkley, Malone, Pippen, Mullin, and Ewing were pretty smart and savvy veterans by the time 1992 rolled around. The 2012 team has Kobe, Chris Paul, and Kevin Love. Those are the only 3 players that are actually known for their basketball brains. But that doesn't mean this team is dumb. The other guys are pretty smart and young. They are just learning. By the time 2016 Olympics roll around, the answer to this question will probably be a tie. 

Question 4: WHO WINS IN A GAME??????

Answer: When is the game being played? Old school reffing style: 1992 team wins easily. Modern reffing style: 2012 team has a chance but 1992 still pulls it out.

Here is the deal. If we are just talking about pick up basketball without the sophisticated rules of the NBA game and no free throws/unlimited fouls like in street ball, then I think it's pretty much a toss up. Because the 1992 team would lose a lot of their advantages. Either team can win any given game. If you did a statistical simulation, and they played in this style an infinite amount of games, the 1992 team would win half and the 2012 team would win half. 

With that said, we are probably not talking about streetball here. We are talking about professional basketball players so we should have them playing a professional basketball game. And those have refs. And rules. And each era has a very separate and distinct way the game was officiated. So if we play in the 1992 team's era, were refs were much more lenient in terms of hard fouls, then the stronger more physical team is going to win easily. That is the 1992 team. They have 2 legitimate and dominant centers who are all-time greats in David Robinson and Patrick Ewing. Tyson Chandler is a good team defensive player, but there is no way in hell he can guard either one of those guys. The 2012 has no other center. Kevin Love and Blake Griffin would get eaten alive by both of those guys. The 1992 team also has very physical perimeter players like Magic Johnson, Michael Jordan, Clyde Drexler, Scottie Pippen. Every time guys like Lebron, CP3, Durant, Westbrook, and Deron enter the lane, those guys would try to dish out as much physical punishment as possible. Lebron and Kobe are the only ones that can withstand that kind of punishment. I haven't even mentioned Barkley and Malone yet, who were some of the most physical players in the history of the game. 

If we play by today's officiating style, the refs would not let the game get physical. Lebron would have a much easier day driving to the basket. And without fouling, I don't care how good those defenders on the 1992 team were. There is no stopping Lebron! No way. But the 1992 team can just as easily counter with Jordan or Barkley. The 2012 team would start out strong and hang in there but eventually, there is just way too much talent on the 1992 team to overcome. Most importantly, if the game was anywhere close to being undecided, the 1992 team has by far the best player and greatest closer in Michael Jordan. The game would come down to Michael Jordan vs. Kobe Bryant. (That is a whole another article in itself.) Kobe Bryant even in his prime is not better than Michael Jordan in his prime. So there is no way this 2012 Kobe Bryant would be able to handle the 1992 Michael Jordan. Kobe might still be able to put a few points up on young Jordan but 1992 Jordan would go ape shit on offense! There would be no stopping him. Close or not, the 1992 team pulls this one out no matter which way you look at it!

Thanks for reading!

Yours truly, 

The King of Nothing.

PS. I would just like to honor the 2008 Redeem Team. Personally, I think that is a much better team than the 2012 team and has a much better chance to compete with the 1992 team than the current 2012 team does. That team had a dominant big man in Dwight Howard, Kobe Bryant in his prime, a great shooter in Michael Redd, and a game changer in Dwayne Wade in his prime. It didn't however, have Kevin Durant or athletes like Westbrook and Griffin. But I think Dwight's dominance, Kobe being younger, and Wade off the bench makes up for all of that.

Healthcare: Consider It Solved!

When I wrote about how to fix the education system a couple months back, it was a pretty simple solution. Make teachers smarter. Make people take school more seriously. Make education a private industry. Boom! Done! Fixed! Send me the check in the mail America. The healthcare issue however, is a bit more complicated. Don't get me wrong. I am smart as hell...So it's not complicated to me. By complicated I meant that my explanation might be hard for the rest of you to understand. But I am not going to let your stupidity stop me from writing an article about a brilliant way to solve this issue. So let's get started.

Let's first tackle this dumbass question of whether healthcare is a right or a privilege. Who the fuck cares? It's neither. Healthcare is healthcare! It's like any other fucking product or service out there. You get what you can fucking afford! Let's take food for example. Is food a right? Well...that depends on what your definition of "right" is. In terms of the United States constitution, there is some shit in there about everyone being entitled to equality and voting and not being enslaved and civil liberties and all that...but nothing as far I know about being entitled to food or not starving. So in those terms, food is not a right. Some would define "right" on a more primitive basis. They would argue that all humans being born are entitled to basic necessities such as food just on a pure humanity level. These people would say food is a right. But if you are going to argue in primitive terms, why stop there? Take it a step further. Humans are animals. Animals are part of nature. And nature doesn't guarantee shit! Whether it is a tiger in Bengal that can't find prey, a polar bear that can't find fish, or a giraffe that can't find trees in a drought, animals die all the time due to lack of food. Why should nature be any different for humans? In those terms, food is not a right. Do you see what I mean here? These are retarded questions with no real answers that lead to no practical solutions. The whole right vs. privilege bullshit is just some cool play on words being used as political rhetoric in order to influence people. Here is the bottom line: Healthcare is just like anything else in the world. Poor people eat cans of beans that cost 89 cents. Rich people eat 70 dollar lobsters. Healthcare should be the same. You have a right to as much of it as you want, as long as you have the ability to pay for it. Now I know what you are thinking. You might be saying to yourself that what I am describing is healthcare being a privilege. And I am saying that go fuck yourself! If you want to call it a privilege, be my guest. All I am saying is that healthcare is like anything else. Whether you call it a right or a privilege or whatever...makes no difference to me and arguing over it does absolutely nothing to solve the problem. 

Now if you are really smart, your next thought should be this: Healthcare is not like anything else because there are cheap alternatives to almost everything else. If that was your next thought please pat yourself on the back. Because after reading the last paragraph anyone with any kind of significant neural activity in their brain would have that thought. Now let me address that thought. Let's go back to the food example. I mentioned the whole poor people eat beans vs. rich people eat lobsters thing. Smart people would say that at least there are 89 cent cans of beans available for poor people. But what is the 89 cent can of bean equivalent in healthcare? On the whole, all of healthcare is pretty damn expensive regardless of quality of care. Healthcare doesn't provide nearly as much of a range of extremely cheap to expensive luxurious options that food does. Well you know what? I think it does. As matter of fact, I think the cheap version of healthcare is so cheap...that it's actually free! Hell, it might even save people money! It's called........drum rollllllllllllllllllllllll.........PREVENTATIVE CARE!!!!!!

If we are going to solve this healthcare issue as a nation, everyone will need to understand one very important thing. We are not going to solve this only by making laws or policies. A genuine desire and motivation to change one's behavior for the better will be required by masses of people across the country. And the behavior improvement will for the most part need to be on the part of the poor. Listen to me poor people. You are poor. You need to understand that many of the illnesses (diabetes, heart disease, STDs, most infectious disease, AIDS, some cancers) that you are complaining about treating can be PREVENTED. So you have absolutely no right to complain about not being able to afford healthcare regarding those issues that could have been PREVENTED by living a healthier life. Now don't get me wrong. I breathe Taco Bell food instead of oxygen. Often times I eat my biggest meal of the day after midnight. I eat literally zero fruits or vegetables. I drive my benz like a maniac on meth. I drink public water when I visit India. I don't put the paper on the seat when I use a public toilet. In no way shape or form do I live a healthy life. So me telling people to live a healthy life may sound hypocritical. But you know what? It's not! Because I can afford treatment for my eventual diabetes and heart disease. I can afford treatment when I catch hepatitis from drinking sugarcane juice off a cart. I can afford treatment when I break my neck in a wreck. I can afford treatment when I catch gonorrhea from the airport toilet. Those are luxuries I can afford! Just like the 70 dollar lobster. Poor people can't! But guess what? They can very easily avoid all of those things by living a better a life than me and not doing all of those unhealthy things. That's their 89 cent can of beans! So if you know you can't afford healthcare, all you have to do is live healthier...and raise your kids to do the same...and that takes care of 90% of your health concerns.

So what about the other 10%? What about all of those things that cannot be helped or controlled or avoided? Well...first, let's take out the 90% I talked about. Maybe that 90% is actually closer to 60% in reality. Or maybe it's closer to 99%. Regardless, it's definitely the majority and a huge chunk. So if you throw out all of the healthcare costs behind accidents that could have been avoided by driving safer, heart disease that could have been avoided by diet and exercise, all of the diseases that could have been avoided by not smoking, drinking or doing drugs, all of the STDs that could have been avoided by practicing safe sex or abstinence, all of the unwanted pregnancies that could have been avoided by making better choices, all of the mental disorders that could have been avoided by living a better family life, all of the children's disorders that could have been avoided by raising your kids right, what are you really left with? Accidents that couldn't have been avoided, diseases that couldn't be prevented (mainly cancer, etc) and some other miscellaneous stuff? First of all, by eliminating even SOME of the avoidable stuff I mentioned, we are saving the healthcare system TRILLIONS. That's TRILLIONS of dollars being saved by patients, insurance companies, the healthcare industry, and the government. By using some of those trillions of dollars towards making sure EVERYONE is covered from the unavoidable stuff, we have essentially solved the healthcare crisis. Obviously this is easier said than done. But let's just say the first step actually happens. Let's say people who can't afford their own healthcare actually start living healthier...and everyone starts saving on healthcare costs like I mentioned. Then here are some things that would be possible.

1. The Medicare and Medicaid programs don't have to bleed money by paying for all of those avoidable diseases and their treatment. The money saved can be used to:
a. Provide treatment for the poor who have those unavoidable problems. I believe eventually Medicare and Medicaid should be used ONLY for this purpose.
b. Encourage and provide incentives to healthcare professionals to promote preventative care to the poor in turn saving even more money.

2. The insurance companies don't have to spend more money by paying for all the avoidable stuff which means less costs for them but more importantly, they don't have an excuse to raise premiums. Lower premiums means more people can afford to be insured means less burden on the government programs.

3. If most of the illnesses are being avoided, it means there are less people going to the doctor's offices. Doctor's offices might not like that but they can be incentivized by government and insurance companies to do more preventative care. Less people going to the doctors for stupid shit means doctors can spend more time behind someone who actually needs it and provide a better quality of care instead of relying on seeing a high volume of patients in a short amount of time. Same can be said for pharmacies. Pharmacist can then be compensated based on consultations, medication therapy management, and treatment follow-up rather than the volume of prescriptions.

This is just a short list. There are endless possibilities that can happen if we can just get those who cannot afford healthcare to stop needing it so much. But like I said, this cannot happen by some magic law that Obama passes or some policy that republicans and democrats keep arguing over. This kind of genuine change in thought and behavior can only happen if the masses of millions of people can be persuaded to do the right thing. So forget Obamacare or universal healthcare. You have no right to universal healthcare if you don't live a healthy lifestyle. And if you do live a healthy lifestyle, then chances are you probably won't need universal healthcare. And in the off chance that you do need help, it will be available because you saved the system money by living healthily. It's that simple. Or complicated. Now let me get off my high horse and end my lecture on living healthily by eating a tub of buttered popcorn at 2AM before going to sleep.

Thanks for reading!
Yours truly,
The King of Nothing

Dream Chaser? Kiss My Ass!

Did you think this blog thingy was just a phase? Did you think I would get tired of it after a few weeks? Did you think I would run out of shit to write about? If there is anything you should know about me, it is that the list of shit that pisses me off in this world is endless! So being the excellent manager of time that I am, I figured I would shit out my first article in almost 4 weeks during a slow day at work. My first order of business? I feel like it's been a while since I typed some curse words. So let me have my male period and rid my body of toxins by getting the cursing out of my system:

fuck fuck fuck shit bitch cocksucker motherfuck asshole cuntlicker jackass shithead moron fuckface lardass whore slut douchebag jizz faggot homo fuck fuck fuck motherfucker pussy

Ok...that's better! Now onto the issue at hand. There has been way too much of this bullshit floating around nowadays that involves people "chasing their dreams" or "living life to the fullest." I believe Hollywood and Bollywood are the most to blame for this donkey jizz going around everywhere. Think about every single romantic comedy ever made. The girl is always dating a career-oriented well-educated guy who lives by the traditional norms of society. Then she meets some good-looking cool hipster who doesn't care about what society thinks and just loves to have fun and live his life to its fullest. So she ends up leaving the career-oriented dude for the dream chaser. Whenever I see this in a movie it pisses me off so much. Am I the only one that is rooting for the career-oriented dude? Watching these kinds of movie plots has poisoned the minds of young people today.

What the fuck does "living life to its fullest" mean anyways? Now don't get me wrong. I like to have fun too. But there is a difference between "work hard play hard" and "just having fun in life." I am in the "work hard play hard" camp. It really chaps my ass when I see people taking a year off between high school and college or college and grad school to "take a break" or "have fun." What the fuck do you need a break from? Was high school or college that tough that you need an entire year to rest your brain? Do you have any idea what the value of one year is? You are not only losing a year of productivity from your life but what most people don't realize is that they will start their career one year later. Do people realize the implications of that? That's one year's worth of salary. One more year of experience. One more year of practice. Hey ASSHOLE, how about instead of thinking about taking a break and having fun, you man the fuck up and get your shit together! This is exactly what I thought about when I decided which pharmacy school to go to. Even though the school I chose to go to actually started before my undergrad even ended, I chose to SACRIFICE fun things like my graduation ceremony and summer vacation because it meant I would finish pharmacy school one year earlier. Had I not done that, I would be just graduating right now instead of already having worked a year and having a year's experience under my belt. Not to mention I would've been $120,000 lighter in the wallet.

You know what else gets my panties in a bunch? I don't appreciate all of these douchebags who "love what they do for a living" and look down upon the rest of us who hate our jobs. These people make it seem like it is some sort of a crime to have a job you don't like. First of all, it is called work! If it was meant to be something you liked doing, it wouldn't be called work! Second of all, all of you assholes who love your job so much, why don't you just do it for free if you are having so much fucking fun at work? And third of all, there are many factors that determine why people choose a particular career path, and having fun at work should be towards the bottom of that list!

You know what should be at the top of that list? What your family needs! If your daddy is filthy rich you can afford to chase your dreams and go into retarded majors like music, art, film, or literature...then look down  upon those of us in medicine, computer science, or business. But if your family requires your salary to pay the mortgage or buy a car, if you know your parents are going to need your help in the future, and if you know there are people depending on you...then you know what? You just have to give up your long shot dream and your fun lifestyle and just live the life of a boring pharmacist. Or a doctor. Or an accountant. Or a lawyer. Because not all of us can be writers and actors and musicians.

Remember in your high school yearbook everybody had a quote or a motto? Most people's motto was something along the lines of "live life to its fullest." Today, kids are being taught this garbage. I don't remember what my motto was. But I know what I will teach my kids: "Forget living life to it's fullest son. Your motto in life will be to SACRIFICE...because daddy wants to quit his job, work more on his blog, and chase his dream now...so you will have to support him..."

Thanks for reading!
Yours truly,
The King of Nothing

A Letter From Pharmacists To Dentists

As the smartest, wisest, sharpest, and the the most overall greatest pharmacist on the planet, when it comes to the following issue, I would like to speak on behalf all of my brothers and sisters who share the same profession. The issue is regarding dentists and dental offices. Recently, I wrote an open letter to every single dentist and dental student in the world. Was it an imaginary letter? Yes. But that is not what is important. Here is the letter:

Dear tooth "doctors",

You are not real doctors. You went to dental school because you could not go to medical school. Can you say the same thing about us pharmacists? Absolutely. But at least we can blame that on our laziness. You guys are stupid enough to be in school and work just as hard as MDs and still not be considered real doctors. I don't mean to offend you. Many of you are very good friends of mine. But the truth hurts. You may be wondering why I am being such a dick to you. Well, just read the rest of this letter. 

I don't know which fucktard in the government decided that you guys should be allowed to prescribe medications. Probably some corrupt lawmaker who is taking money from the dental lobbyists. But if you guys are going to be prescribing antibiotics for your little dental procedures that can be performed by a nine year-old with Down syndrome, at least have the fucking decency, accountability, and professionalism to know what the fuck you are prescribing. What exactly do I mean by "know what you are prescribing"? I don't know exactly how much teaching they do in dental school about prescription antibiotics. But that is not what I mean. Any halfwit can look through the IDSA or an antibiotics treatment flow chart and pick a decent antibiotic. You may know about the drug you are prescribing but do you really UNDERSTAND the prescription? 

For example, when you prescribe clindamycin solution for a dental procedure, do you really know what you are doing? Now clindamycin may be a perfectly acceptable drug of choice in terms of pure medical science. But do you have any idea how much it fucking costs? Do you understand that your patient has no insurance and that they are not going to pay $70 for a prophylactic antibiotic especially when they just spent $300 at your fucking office? As a medical professional, you need to not only know the science, but also know the patient, and their situation. Just fucking prescribe some amoxicillin or keflex, stick a nitrous tube up your ass (and up mine), and call it a night!

Now go back to the part where I said know what you are prescribing. And this time, I literally mean know what you are prescribing. Too many times in my short miserable career have I come across prescriptions written by dentists with the wrong dosages. Whether it is a drug that is not available in that strength, or an improper dosage, I have spent way too much time and energy calling dentists offices for clarifications, especially when I have the medical expertise to change the prescription and make it appropriate, but do not have the legal ability to do so. So in case you were too hungover to attend this lecture in dental school, here are a couple of lessons that I think you guys should take note of. 

1. Naproxen does not come in 600mg

2. Ibuprofen 800mg should only be taken 3 times per day. 1-2 q4-6h is not a standard sig you can put on anything you write for. Some shit has limits. 

3. Vicodin contains 5mg of hydrocodone and 500mg of acetaminophen. Norco 5 on the other hand, contains the same amount of hydrocodone but only 325mg of acetaminophen. 

4. The official max daily dose of acetaminophen is 4g. The recommended is 3.2g. 

5. 6g is more than 4g. 

6. Max means maximum. 

7. Maximum means you cannot give more than that. 

8. Therefore, if you use logic, you can deduce that 6g of acetaminophen in one day is way too fucking much! Unless of course you are purposefully trying to cause liver damage. In that case, it is perfectly ok! As long as the patient has perfect teeth, it makes no fucking difference to you does it?

9. The sky is blue.

Here is another question for all of you dentists. WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU HIRING TO RUN YOUR OFFICES??? I cannot count how many fucking times I have called and asked to change the drug on a prescription, and the fucking bitch on the other end just goes yea that is ok, without consulting you (the dentist). As if she fucking knows the difference. The following is a list of things/animals/people whose medical opinion is worth the same as a dental assistant's:

1. A rock

2. A retarded rock

3. A monkey who was born 2 months premature and then subsequently dropped on his head 

4. My turd

5. My turd's turd

6. Sarah Palin

7. Sarah Palin's turd

8. A black or Hispanic doctor (oxymoron,if they existed)

Wait, I take it back. The monkey's medical opinion might actually be worth more. I mean seriously. Just because this bitch took some bullshit 6 week course from ITT tech and printed out a diploma on her home printer makes her some sort of an expert on medications? But you know what? I don't have time to fuck around. So if they go ahead and change or approve shit on their own willy nilly, I just fucking take their name down and accept it. (And so does every other retail pharmacist.) That way, when shit hits the fan, we know who to blame. So my dear dentists, please exercise some control over your fucking staff, and be careful who you hire. Also, please don't try to be like real doctors and pretend you are busy when I am on hold on the phone.

That is all. 

From your fellow pretend-doctors, 

Pharmacists!

Thanks for reading!
Yours truly,
The King of Nothing

PS. No hard feelings black or Hispanic people.