Thursday, September 13, 2012

Extra Sauce = No Sauce (AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!)

If you have been reading my blog, you may have noticed I have a very wide range of variety when it comes to the type of writing I do. Some of my articles are very serious and tackle real world issues like healthcare and education. Some of them are kind of serious/kind of sarcastic commentaries on society. Some of them are about sports. Some are lists and rankings. And some are just straight up rants littered with insults and curse words. Let me tell you right now...this one is going to be one of those. But this is not one of my average rants. It is not just an excuse to type "fuck" 50 times and let out the anger built up from everyday life. Some of you may know this, but a great man once said (As a matter of fact one of the greatest men ever)...cursing is the male equivalent to menstruation. Being recently married, I just learned that women have these things called periods! Who knew? I guess they are necessary for women to release certain substances. In the same way, a true man curses in order to let out what needs to be let out. My menstruation cycle comes in the form of the rants I write on my blog. But this rant is much more than that. It is an issue that is very close to my heart...

Why the fuck is it that whenever you ask for something in today's modern world, you always get the exact fucking opposite? It has a become some kind of hard and fast law of physics that you will always get the opposite of what you asked for every single goddamn time! Like Newton's Law or something. What the fuck has this world come to? Is this what we have turned into as a society? Didn't Darwin say evolution is supposed to make a species better? How the fuck are we going backwards? What the fuck are these people thinking?

Let me give you some specific examples. As a side note, I would just like to say that no matter what I write here, at the end of the day, I still love Taco Bell. But every single fucking time I go to Taco Bell, I ask for some specific things. They not very hard at all to do. Monkeys can figure it out. Or maybe not. The humans working there cannot figure it out so you never know. To make it easier, here is a list of the specific things I usually ask for.

1. Add guacamole on the supreme nachos
2. Add extra red sauce on the bean burrito
3. Put a "whole bunch of fire sauce" in the bag

Now if you asked me to bet every single penny of my tiny financial worth, including my Benz, and you  can even include the lives of my family and friends, I would wager it all on the fact that one or more of those requests will not be made. THESE FUCKING BABOONS WORKING IN THE TACO BELL KITCHEN ARE OUT OF CONTROL!!!!! THEY SHOULD ALL BE ARRESTED, TRIED, AND CONVICTED FOR CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY.

Almost every motherfucking time I get my food, there is absolutely no guacamole on the nachos! Is this too much to ask for? All you have to do it look on the screen and read "add guacamole" under the supreme nachos. Then you take the guacamole dispenser full of old, dirty, not fresh, yummy guacamole and press the button until a bunch of green crap squirts out on the nachos, like a baby taking a shit! It's not that hard. Don't even get me start on the fucking bean burrito. Judging from the amount of red sauce on the burrito, I have no other choice but to think that they are intentionally fucking with me. The amount of red sauce on that shit is so minuscule, that I always wonder if they would have given me more sauce if I had not said anything at all! And do I need to even say anything about the amount of fire sauce packets? Let me ask you a question. Please it answer it honesty. When someone asks you for "a whole bunch of" something, would any reasonably thinking person take that to mean three? Thank you.

Unfortunately, this kind of incompetence is not limited to Taco Bell. Recently I went to Olive Garden, (for the last time ever by the way) and I asked for my pasta to be extra saucy. Do I even have to tell you what fucking came back? That's right. Pasta with virtually no sauce. God help me. Even more unfortunately, this shit is not limited to food. When you order something online, you have to fucking pray harder than Tim Tebow in front of cameras in order to make sure you get exactly what you paid for. When you are getting some work done on your house, you have to literally put yourself all up in the guy's ass and watch his every move in order to make sure he doesn't fuck up. What the fuck is wrong with people? If I had one wish, I would not ask for eternal happiness, or a billion dollars. You know what I would ask for? I WOULD ASK FOR FOR THE ABILITY TO READ THESE ASSHOLES' MINDS SO THAT I CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT, IF ANYTHING, IS GOING THROUGH THEIR FUCKING BRAIN WHEN THEY ARE DOING THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF WHAT I REQUESTED!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I have to take a break. I think I just broke the 'H' key on by keyboard.

Ok I am back. I have written about how our society is being ravaged by a wave of laziness, self-entitlement, carelessness, and dishonesty. But the most dangerous thing out of all of these is INCOMPETENCE. We are becoming more and more of an incompetent race. The events of the movie Planet of the Apes are much closer to being a possible reality than they were say...50 years ago. Forget occupy Wall Street. Forget healthcare. Forget education. Forget the economy. We as a society need to first and foremost fix the problem of incompetence. Because if we don't...like I said before, our society will be going to hell in a hand basket...if the basket doesn't break first.

Thanks for reading!
Yours truly,
The King of Nothing


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