Sunday, May 6, 2012

The Bullshit Radar Part 2 - Mental Health

In case you missed it, or you need a refresher on what exactly the Bullshit Radar is, here is part 1. Let's just jump right into it. I think the whole mental health field is a bunch of bullshit. And that, would be what you would call an understatement. Let's break this bitch down.

Here is a message for all of you out there in the world that claim you are suffering from depression, anxiety, panic attacks, ADD, ADHD, and all of the other bullshit mental disorders that are being over-diagnosed out there. (Only extreme cases of psychosis are the true mental disorders. The REAL crazy people. The straight jacket type.) We have become a society full of pussies. There. I said it. It had to be said and I just did. So deal with it. Everyone claiming to be suffering from this shit needs to man the fuck up. Nut up. Sack up. Shut up. Whatever you want to say and however you want to say it, the message is clear. All of your bullshit made-up pussy disorders are setting off my Bullshit Radar. 

Depression? Really? Let's take every single person in this country who is diagnosed with clinical depression. Out of that group, let me talk directly to about 70% of you: What the fuck do you have to be depressed about? Seriously. You live in the best country on the planet. There are so many fucking resources spent in this country for the production of entertainment. There are countless TV shows, movies, theaters, clubs, strip clubs, casinos, malls, arcades, video games, playgrounds, recreation centers, camping grounds, hiking trails, whorehouses, swimming pools, beaches, fields, sports games, bars, pool halls, bowling alleys, golf courses, websites, restaurants, extreme activities, amusement parks, theme parks, ski resorts, spas, hotels, comedy clubs, and once again...strip clubs. SO CHEER UP AND MAKE USE OF THOSE THINGS! Because if you can afford to go see a doctor for some bullshit reason like depression, chances are, you can damn sure afford to have some fun! Here is another tip. Whatever is bothering you...whatever is making you depressed...don't think about it. It's pretty simple. Because chances are that whatever it is, it's probably not a real problem. It's probably some silly shit like your dad bought you a forty thousand dollar car instead of a sixty thousand dollar car. There is NOTHING depressing enough in the world that can happen that would cause you to have a so called "clinical" least not permanently.

Now, as for the 30% of you that actually DO have something to be depressed about such as being fired, being cheated on, or having a loved one die in a horrible STILL don't have a reason to be LIFELONG depressed. Here is the advice for you. Take a day. Take two. Or even a week. A month. Don't pussy out and go to the doctor with a sad face and ask for antidepressants. Take that time and drown your sorrows in whatever way suits you best. Alcohol, women, gambling, drugs, whatever. But only for that time. THEN GET THE FUCK OVER IT AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE!! As for me personally, I can see myself drowning my sorrows in all of the above in one epic night by getting drunk with whores while gambling and being high on a real man. But after that night, I would go on with my life...without a real man...because your so called depression doesn't really exist. It's all in your head and all you have to do is change the way you think.

I also have a message for those of you suffering from your so called anxiety disorders. Bullshit!!! Here is an idea. Instead of wasting time on a psychologist/psychiatrist/medications, how about you just take whatever it is that is making you anxious, and don't let it make you anxious. Just don't let it bother you. It's that simple. I don't understand why people just can't let whatever it is that is bothering them, not bother them. I do it all the time. Do you really think I like being at work when the pharmacy gets CRAZY busy and chaotic? Do you see me melting down and having a panic attack and being all anxious like a pussy? I had all the reason to do that this past week when a patient passed out on me after I gave him a shot. But NO! I didn't! I was calm. Because I just tell myself that I am not going to let it bother a fucking man.

The same goes for all of these kids running around on Adderall and Ritalin. They don't fucking have a disease. They are just stupid. Nowadays a kid can't just be stupid any more. He has to have some kind of diagnosis for his stupidity. ADD and ADHD are bullshit! They don't exist. At least not in the massive numbers that we diagnose them at. Your kid just needs slap on the ass and a good pep talk. Stop filling his mouth with drugs. And you know what is the main factor in why kids are stupid? I'll give you three guesses. If you don't get it in three guesses, you either are one of them or you have a set of them. That's right...stupid parents and their stupid parenting.

All this pussying out by today's society and coming with bullshit excuses for being sad and miserable has created a whole new bullshit "medical" field. It is called psychology. Most of these so called health professionals don't know shit. They are talking out of their asses just like the diamond salesmen I talked about in part 1. The only thing they are useful for is listening. Human beings just feel better when they vent. When they can talk to someone who would listen. They just need a shoulder to cry on. And guess what? You can do that shit for free with people you know. You don't need to pay a stranger a hundred bucks an hour to do that shit and then have them spit some bullshit out of their mouths.

This might have been my most offensive article. Even more offensive than when I proposed that children dieing might not be such a terrible thing. If you feel offended. I am sorry. Truly. But that doesn't make me wrong. So don't even think about being more depressed. Be angry. Anger is good. (Maybe not good but better than being sad all the time.) Take it out on me. If it would make you a more tougher human being and less of a sad sack of shit, then I will be happy to take one for the team and be your metaphorical or even literal punching bag. I would much rather have an anger problem than depression or anxiety. AND THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A "CHEMICAL IMBALANCE"!!! Even if there was a chemical imbalance, you can just do the shit I told you and get over it. So throw out your Ativan, Ritalin, Adderall, and Xanax. Actually, wait a second...don't throw it out. Just give it to me...I'll "dispose" it in the proper manner if you know what I mean...

Thanks for Reading!
Yours truly,
The King of Nothing