Top 25 Restaurant Foods I Have Ever Eaten (Part 2 )

In case you missed numbers 25 to 11, here is Part 1. Before we get into the top 10, here are some more honorable mentions that I either forgot to write about, or just recently tried. 

Honorable Mentions

Counter Burger, Los Angels/Irvine CA

Javier's, Las Vegas

Island Burgers

Patxi's Chicago Style Pizza, San Francisco CA

Number 10: BRAR's Food Culture of India, Toronto Canada

All you can eat buffet that includes all kinds of Indian food, pasta, pizza, ice cream, etc - Easily that best Indian restaurant I have been to in North America. I don't know if it was because I was having fun messing around with my cousins or just enjoying spending precious quality time with my east coast family, but to me, BRARS was the best Indian restaurant meal I have ever had...and I am not just saying that because it was 'all you can eat.' This place had both quantity and quality!

9. In N' Out

Animal-style grilled cheese and fries - Holy shit In N' Out is good! A grilled cheese sounds pretty simple. How much better can be than any other grilled cheese? But somehow, even without the delicious animal-syle sauce, they make the grilled cheese taste special. Add that sauce on there along with the bomb ass animal style fries and In N' Out is something special. It's one of the few things the West Coast has that the East Coast can be jealous of.

8. Veggie Grill, Los Angeles/Irvine CA

Quality imitation-meat menu including burgers, sandwiches, wings, and everything else that is usually made out of meat - In number 13, when talking about Ike's Place, I talked about options for vegetarians. Veggie grill takes this concept all the way. It is dedicated entirely to vegetarians. They got everything from chicken wings to chili to carne asada and carb cake sandwiches. I've never eaten meat so only a true meat-eater would be able to tell you if this compares to the real stuff. But for people like me who will never experience the delicious, savory, juicy taste of actual meat, Veggie Grill is the next best thing!

7. Udupi Cafe, Tempe AZ

Manchurian - This is a south Indian restaurant but most of the food is not so great. Ironically, easily the best tasting thing on their menu is not south Indian food. It is their Manchurian. Holy shit that is some bomb ass tasting shit. I nearly jizzed in my pants when I first had it. If I forget to go to this place whenever I go back to Phoenix, I am going to shoot myself in the mouth. And if I do remember to go, I am still going to shoot myself in the mouth because there aren't many better tasting things it will experience.

6. Bleecker Street Pizza, New York City

Pizza - Bleecker Street Pizza is often given the designation of New York's best pizza. In a land known for having a great pizza joint on almost every block, that is a great accomplishment. It is like being the cheapest Indian, or the dirtiest player on the Celtics. Overall, Bleecker Street does have the best tasting pizza I have ever had. Yes, that includes Pizzeria Bianco in Phoenix. There is something in that sauce that gives it a subtle yet distinguishing spicy flavor. The crust, the cheese, the short wait time, you name it, Bleecker Street excels at every category that has to do with pizza.

5. Little Italy Pizza, 33rd and 5th New York City

Pizza - I have to specify the intersection of this place because there are like 10 different Little Italy Pizza joints in New York City and I am sure they are all awesome because that's just how New York City is! I just wrote about the number 6 entree (Bleecker St. Pizza) being the best overall pizza I have ever had. So why the hell would Little Italy be number 5 on the list? I promise it will make sense after I explain it. Here it is. If I use my brain, Bleecker Street is ranked higher. If I use my heart, Little Italy is ranked higher. Bleecker Street is like Lebron James. Logically, the best in almost all facets of the game. But Little Italy is like Kobe. Even though you know statistically, logically and practically Kobe does not match up to Lebron, if you are Laker fan like me, you will take Kobe over Lebron because you judge with your heart. When I had my rotation at a small pharmaceutical company in Midtown Manhattan, I ate lunch at this place almost every single day for 6 weeks. So I am much more familiar with Little Italy than with Bleecker Street. Also, if you are comparing only the crust, no matter what you use to judge, your brain or your heart, Little Italy has the best god-damn crust I have ever had! There is an element of crunchiness and an unbelievable texture to that crust. I have never seen that kind of crust duplicated anywhere. So Bleecker Street is the best pizza I have ever had in the world, but Little Italy is my favorite pizza in the world!

4. Yard House

The Gardein Menu - Yard House's gardein menu is fucking awesome! Buffalo and firecracker wings, Thai chicken pizza, chicken strips, and a bunch of other fake meat stuff! Meat eaters have told me it is pretty close to the real deal. And those god-damn truffle fries! Easily the best sports bar/restaurant combo I have been to!

3. Bulan Thai Vegetarian Kitchen, West Hollywood CA

Vegetarian chicken wings - Bulan Thai is an all-vegetarian Thai food place. But it's only on here because of it's chicken wings. HOLY MOTHER OF GOD THOSE WINGS ARE GOOD!!!!! Whenever my buddies and I go to LA, we pretty much HAVE to make the obligatory stop to Bulan Thai to eat those wings. Even if we are going eat somewhere else, we will go to Bulan Thai and grab some wings as appetizers. The texture of those wings is unlike any other kind of imitation meat I have ever had. It HAS to be the closest possible thing to actual meat. If you are a vegetarian but have a fantasy about eating meat without actually eating it, go to Bulan Thai and grab some of these wings!

2. Mamoun's Falafel, New York City

Falafels - Ok I am sure there are many great falafel places in New York City. I have only been to a few of them. But forget about falafels...Mamoun's has the best overall restaurant food I have ever had. That goddamn falafel is so simple yet so fucking GOOD!!!!! And it's not just about the food. This particular location has no seating. I mean just look at the picture. The place is tiny! But there is always a line there. (Except apparently when that picture was taken...) But the whole Mamoun's food experience is awesome. At night, you will see a bunch of people standing on the street struggling to eat falafels while sauce runs down their hands. (If you watch the show Louis on FX, you can see this scene in the opening credits as Louis CK walks down the street into the Comedy Cellar next door.) We always walked down the block, sat on the curb and gobbled those falafels down like a couple of homeless men. It's a great experience! My dream night in New York City would be to eat some Mamoun's, then go to the world famous 'Comedy Cellar' comedy club next door and catch a set of Louis CK. And I don't know what is in that sauce but it is HEAVENLY!!!!! If cum tasted like that sauce does, I would become a cocksucker overnight.

1. Taco Bell

Everything - There is so much good food at Taco Bell, I didn't know what to put in the picture. So I just put up a picture of the whole menu! I am not going to go much into talking about Taco Bell, because I have already written an entire article about it here!

Thanks for reading!
Yours truly,
The King of Nothing

Top 25 Restaurant Foods I Have Ever Eaten (Part 1)

Recently I went to San Francisco and ate some bomb ass sandwiches. This got me thinking about food. I love food. (In case you couldn't tell from my skinny body.) Earlier this year, I came up with awards for the thing that is INDIRECTLY responsible for making me fat. Now, I have decided to write about the thing that makes me DIRECTLY fat...FOOD! Food is awesome. I haven't met a single person in my life that doesn't like or care about food. (With the exception of HDH Pramukh Swami Maharaj...but he doesn't count since he is an exception on most worldly lists.) Since everyone needs/wants/likes to eat...I hope all of you will enjoy this. Before I delve into this thing mouth first, here are some side notes:

- This list only includes Restaurant food. (Yes, that includes fast foods. Fast food are true restaurants too.) Don't get me wrong, I LOVE homemade food. But that's not what this list is about. My mom and grandma make some bomb ass food. (Any my wife. Kind of.) But that stuff is entirely in its own category. It would be like comparing apples to oranges.
- OBVIOUSLY this list only includes restaurants that I myself have been to. There might be really delicious stuff out there that might belong on this list but I haven't tried yet.

Let's get started...Hopefully by the end of this I will have your mouths more watery than New Orleans after Katrina. Since this list is huge, I had to break it up into 2 parts. Here are numbers 25 to 11.

Honorable Mentions - These places are pretty good but unfortunately, they didn't make the list. Some of them, like the New York City restaurants, are not on the list only because I have only been there once and don't remember a whole lot about the food.

Chipotle
Qdoba
Panda Express
Ghengis Grill, Phoenix AZ
Gobo, New York City
Dhaba, New York City
Tamba, Las Vegas and New York City

Number 25: Jack In The Box

Seasoned Curly Fries and Stuffed Jalapeños - If you know what Ekadashi is and you do it, next time go get some seasoned curly fries from JITB. Greatest Ekadashi food ever! If you eat out...

Number 24 and 23: Subway and Pizza Hut

Veggie Sub and Cheese Pizza - Subway and Pizza Hut are like the Toyota Camry of fast food restaurants. Nothing flashy, sexy, or fancy. But reliable. Dependable. You know what you are going to get and it's not going to disappoint. And with all of these other newer sub and pizza joints popping up, Subway and Pizza Hut still remains the best!

Number 22 and 21: Slices, Tempe/Phoenix AZ and BJ's Restaurant and Brewery

Thin Crust from Slices and Deep Dish from BJ's - Both of these places got the right formula for their respective kinds of pizza. Slices has some really good, easy to eat on-the-go, thin-crust pizza. It's good if you want to grab a quick bite on your way to the movies but you don't want to feel too full. Their formula is: Simple + Fast + Very Hot = Good Thin Crust Pizza. BJ's has some bomb Chicago-style deep-dish thick-crust pizza that is very filling. Their formula is: Slow cooked + Wide variety of toppings + Very Hot = Good Thick Crust Pizza. Oh...and I forgot about the pizookie...one of the greatest desserts ever!

Number 20: Red Robin

Gourmet burgers with boca or garden patty, Unlimited regular or garlic fries - See what I said about Subway and Pizza Hut? The same can be applied to Red Robin's burgers. It's like a fancy Camry. One step above a Camry. Camry XLE? Or maybe an Acura TL. Reliable, dependable, not going to disappoint, but still has some pop to it. And goddamn those garlic fries are good! Especially when they are free. Keep em comin!!!!

Number 19: Albertaco's Mexican Food, Cypress CA

California Burrito with fries - This joint is off the hook! It is the perfect place for college students. (Unfortunately I am not one of those.) Their California burrito with french fries in it is the best burrito (Or second best) I have ever had.

Number 18: Max Brenner, Las Vegas and New York City

The Chocolate Menu and the Hazelnut Cream Chocolate Shake - One word: Chocolate!!!! This place has some bomb ass American food, but it's on here for it's chocolate menu. They got all kinds of chocolate stuff ranging from waffles to fondu to pizza. And the Hazelnut Cream Chocolate Milkshake is one of the greatest tasting shakes I have ever had.

Number 17: Macayo's Mexican Kitchen, Arizona

Enchilada-style burritos - It's like El Torito, but good! If you have a ball, you will order the big-ass burrito they have but make it enchilada-style. If you have two balls, you will finish it.

Number 16: Tandoori Times, Phoenix AZ

Paneer Wrap - I've only been to this place once and don't remember much of it. That's how good these paneer wraps were. And much like many of these restaurants, it would be much higher on the rankings if I went there more often.

Number 15: Best Thai Cuisine, Riverside CA

Spicy Fried Rice, Pad Thai, Pad Kee Mow, Chicken Cashew (Tofu) - Discovered this place in college thanks to my roommate and friend. It's a small place but it's full of heat, spice, flavor, and the best Thai food I have ever had to date.

Number 14 - Cafeteria, New York City

Truffle Mac n' Cheese - I came down to this place for "Sunday brunch" with my roommate in NYC. It was pretty awesome. The freaking wait was so long that we ended up going across the street and ate lunch at a pizza joint before coming back and eating brunch. Even though our stomachs were full, we ordered triple digits worth of food for the two of us and we finished it. That's how good this place was! (Also: That's how expensive this place was!) The truffle flavored mac n' cheese is definitely on the short list of the greatest things I have ever tasted.

Number 13 - Ike's Place, San Francisco CA

Veggie sandwiches - There is only one word why this place is ranked so high on my list: Options. Especially when you don't eat meat, you appreciate sandwich places that give you options. With all the different kinds of sandwiches they have, and the different options of breads and toppings, there are hundreds of different options for vegeterians. I appreciate that.

Number 12 - Gobi Mongolian BBQ, Los Angeles CA

Tofu, veggies, noodles, and bunch of different sauces cooked right in front of you - This Mongolian BBQ idea is ingenius. Basically you pick what you want and the combination of the ingredients. Then you give the bowl to the cook who cooks it all right in front of you on a big ass hot plate. If it doesn't taste good, it's on you. But it tastes good pretty much every time!

Number 11 - Pizzeria Bianco, Phoenix AZ

Margherita and Biancoverde Pizza (Gourmet) - My undergrad physiology professor told me about this place after I told him I was moving to Phoenix for pharmacy school. For A LOT of people, this place is ranked much higher. Usually number 1. Although I don't have it in my top 10, I do remember the pizza being pretty damn good. Maybe it is simply because I have only been there once. Can you blame me? The place is so goddamn hard to get into. This is definitely the most INTERESTING restaurant out this entire list of 25. Here is why.

First of all, the place is rated world's best pizza by MANY credible food reviewers including Bon Appetit, the NY times, Vogue, and Rachel Ray. At one point in time, if you googled "world's best pizza" the first 10 hits were Pizzeria Bianco. Sure, the pizza is good. (I mean they made a pizza without sauce taste better than the one with sauce. That is some mad skills.) But is it THAT good? There are definitely other factors besides food in play here that lead to this kind of recognition. This is a very interesting phenomenon. 

It all has to do with the economic priniciple of sunken cost. This place is one of the hardest in the world to get into. First of all, it is world famous, yet it is a small space with maybe 15 tables. They only take reservations for parties of 6-10. Everyone else must be seated on a first-come first-serve basis. You can go there ahead of time, put your name on the list, call them every hour to keep your name on the list, and then have them call you an hour before they can seat you. So I went there at 5PM, put my name on the list for 2 people, drove back home, played a game of intermural football, and got a call at 8PM that there will be a table ready at 9PM. DID I TELL YOU THIS WAS ON A WEDNESDAY NIGHT??? And when we got there at 9, it took another 45 minutes of us waiting in the bar next door before being seated. Was it worth it? Sure. Only because I was a bum of a student and didn't care much for studying so I had a bunch of time on my hands. But for tourists, visitors, and people with jobs, this might be a pain in the ass, especially when everyone tells you that you "have to go there."

So imagine you went through all of that to eat some pizza... All that time spent is sunken cost. So in order to keep you sane, and not feel ashamed that you went through all of that just for some fucking pizza, your brain tells you that this pizza is so damn good, that it was all worth it!!! That's the only way you will keep your sanity and not hate yourself. That psychological effect, combined with the hype you have heard about this place before you got there, and the fact that the world famous celebrity chef (Chris Bianco) that you saw on the food network is 5 feet away from you making your pizza and talking to you personally and then coming over to your table to say hello, makes you think this is definitely the world's best pizza! (Even though the actual food might not be.)

Wow...that was a very tough article to write. So much good food. Every time I look at it, I end up coming up with a completely different rankings order. Stay tuned for part 2 when we look at the Top 10!!!

Thanks for reading!

Yours truly,

The King of Nothing

The All-Time Fantasy Football Team

I love football. NFL football to be specific. While NBA basketball is my first love and will be number one on my sports priorities at least for the foreseeable future, I love NFL football for a completely different set of reasons. Unlike the NBA (Lakers), I have no emotional vestige in the NFL. And I love that. (That will probably change when/if LA gets an NFL team.) But nevertheless, I probably follow the NFL more closely than any other sports (including the NBA). Why? FANTASY FOOTBALL of course...

So I decided to make a list of my all-time FANTASY FOOTBALL starting line-up. Here are a couple of things to take note of before you go balls deep (pun intended) into this list...

1. This list is about fantasy football. Not real football. So the players here might not be the best at their positions. It's all about the stats. Not about championships, talent, skills, clutchness, pedigree, etc. That's why guys like Joe Montana, Jim Brown, Barry Sanders, and Terrell Davis are not on this list.

2. The modern game of football has seen an explosion in the offensive part of the game. The game is quicker and much more complex (especially the offense) than in the past. Touchdowns, yardage, and scoring is on the rise. That's why if you look up the stats, most of the all-time leaders in major offensive categories will be relatively modern players. So naturally, this list will contain mostly modern players.

3. There are many fantasy football formats. For the purposes of this list, I have chosen to go with the format that I have personally played in for more than 10 years. It consists of QB WR WR WR RB RB TE K DEF.

4. In order to determine who should be on this list, I have used several factors besides the obvious one, which is stats. I have taken account injury risk as well. Has the player been relatively healthy and durable throughout his career? Consistency is also considered when determining a player's fantasy value. That includes year to year as well as game to game consistency.

5. I have left out the emerging stars. This is because they are still young and we don't know what their careers will turn into. So great fantasy ballers like Aaron Rodgers, Matthew Stafford, Cam Newton, Arian Foster, Rob Gronkowski, Jimmy Graham, Larry Fitzgerald, and even Calvin Johnson have been left off the list...for now...

So without further a due, here is the list:

Quarterback - Peyton Manning

Whether Peyton Manning is the greatest quarterback of all-time or not is a question that can be debated for hours and hours. But you know what is an undisputed fact? Peyton Manning is the greatest quarterback of all-time in fantasy football. Just like with any all-time ranking, this doesn't mean he's the best fantasy quarterback right now. It doesn't even mean he had the greatest fantasy season ever. (Guys like Brady and Brees have had better individual seasons.) It just means he has been the greatest throughout his overall career. Here are a few statistics to prove it. If you didn't know them, they are pretty amazing.

1. During the first 13 years of his career, Peyton Manning did not miss a single game! THIRTEEN YEARS! Most football players don't last 13 total years in the league. Until recently when Manning missed the entire season last year, he was the most durable player in fantasy football history. (Except for Bret Favre, but with Favre's interception totals, sometimes his fantasy owners wished he would miss a game or two.)

2. With the exception of his rookie year, Peyton Manning has thrown for at least 4000 years every single year of his career. That's incredible. Throwing 4000 yards is not easy. To do it year in year out was nearly impossible. Notice I said "was". The last couple of years the league has evolved into a passing league. So 4000 yards will eventually be the average. But that was not the case when Manning was in his heyday.

Brady is a much better fantasy quarterback now and has been recently. After Manning had the greatest fantasy season of all time in 2004 (49TD/10INT), Brady came back in 2007 and had an even better season (50TD/8INT). Remember in the beginning I mentioned consistency. Peyton Manning has been a fantasy football stud his entire career. Brady on the other hand, was considered more of a Derek Jeter type during the first half of his career. He was someone with great intangibles and knew how to win but just an average quarterback when you looked at the numbers. Only during the second half of his career did Brady turn into a fantasy monster. A combination of Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez. But as the old football adage goes...if you have 2 quarterbacks, you have none. And since there can only be one, there is no one worthy of being our all-time fantasy football starting quarterback, other than the one and only...Peyton Manning!!!

Wide Receiver 1 - Jerry Rice

This is the biggest no-brainer of all time. Are you kidding me? Jerry Rice owns almost every single receiving record ever. Forget being the best receiver, Jerry Rice is considered to be the greatest football player ever by many people. He's the Michael Jordan of the NFL. Just look at his career stats. Find me a wide receiver who has had a better career. To give you an example, the following are the statistical career categories that Jerry Rice leads. Look at how much distance there is between him and the next guy:

Career receptions
1. Jerry Rice (1549)
2. Tony Gonzalez (1154)
Difference: 395 receptions (To give you an example of how big this difference is, 395 receptions is how many receptions Greg Jennings, a pro-bowl star receiver who has been playing for 6 years has. It is also the same amount of receptions Nate Burleson has, who has been a starting WR in the NFL for 9 years.)

Career receiving yards
1. Jerry Rice (22895)
2. Terrell Owens (15934)
Difference: 6961 yards (This is approximately the same amount yards as the career yardage for the following star/well known receivers: Wes Welker, Antonio Freeman, TJ Houshmandzadeh, Dwight Clark, Brandon Marshall, Deon Branch.)

Career receiving TD
1. Jerry Rice (197)
2. Randy Moss (154)
Difference: 43 TDs (43 TDs is approximately equal to the career TDs of Roddie White, Dallas Clark, Terry Glenn, TJ Houshmandzadeh, Lee Evans, Todd Heap, and Jason Whitten.)

In addition to these, Jerry Rice is the all-time leader in overall TDs, points scored by non-kicker, yards from scrimmage, and all-purpose yards. This is incredible considering the fact that there is a whole bunch of great running backs, and Rice was a WR.

He had 4 seasons with 1500 yards, 9 seasons with over 1200 yards, 6 seasons with over 1300 yards, and 13 seasons with over 1000 yards!!! In 1995, the dude had 1848 yards!!!! Incredible. He was also remarkably durable. The man played 20 years in the NFL. That's a possible 320 games. Out of those, Jerry Rice only missed 18 games!!! I am not sure why I spent so much time explaining how good Jerry Rice was. I am pretty sure I didn't need to convince anyone that he belongs on this fantasy team.

Wide Receiver 2 - Terrell Owens

I don't care what you think about Terrell Owens' personality. Sure he was a bad teammate. Sure he was selfish. Sure was a locker room cancer. But fantasy football doesn't care. Fantasy football is all about the numbers. And when it comes to the numbers, Terrell Owens was really really really fucking good. One of the most talented players to ever step foot on the football field, TO was a touchdown machine. I am sure guys like Calvin Johnson and Larry Fitzgerald will replace TO when I make this list 5 years from now, but for now, TO belongs as the number 2 WR on the all-time fantasy football team.

Wide Receiver 3 - Randy Moss











With his combination of height, speed, and hands, Randy Moss is the most talented and naturally gifted receiver ever. The problem with Randy is consistency. Randy Moss played the game one of two ways. He was either all-in or all-out. His career numbers clearly reflect that. But when Randy Moss was all in, boy was he fucking good! In 2007, he had the second single greatest season by a WR ever (1493/23) behind Jerry Rice's 1995 season (1848/22). As a rookie, he had 1313 yards and 17 TDs!!!

Running Back 1 - LaDainian Tomlinson

In his prime, LT was a beast when it came to fantasy football! And when it came to fantasy football, LT was in his prime pretty much his entire career. LT probably had the longest stretch of time of any player where he was considered a fantasy football number 1 pick. Here is why:

1. From 2001 to 2008, he was a shoe-in  to get a guaranteed 1500 yards, double digit TDs, and near 2000 yards from scrimmage.

2. In 2006, LT had the greatest offensive season of all-time and the greatest fantasy football season for a non-QB. He had more than 1800 yards rushing, more than 500 yards receiving, more than 2300 yards from scrimmage, and total of FREAKING 31 TOUCHDOWNS!!! (28 rushing, 3 receiving) That's insane.

3. In that same 2001-2008 stretch, LT only missed ONE GAME!!!!!

Running Back 2 - Marshall Faulk

Marshall Faulk is one my favorite players of all time. Why? Unlike Randy Moss, Marshall Faulk wasn't naturally gifted. He wasn't the fastest or the strongest or the most talented. He kind of looked fat. I don't know how the hell Marshall Faulk did what he did on the football field. The man had a special ability to make something out of nothing. He also had brains. And also, a big part of it was the great offense he was playing in. Marshall Faulk was a true running back and a true WR. The man used to line up in the backfield, in the slot, on the edge. It didn't matter. He knew how to run. He knew how to catch. He knew how to catch and then run. Marshall Faulk was one of the most versatile players in NFL history! Here are some crazy Marshall Faulk stats.

1. In 1999, Marshall Faulk had more than 1300 rushing yards AND more than 1000 RECEIVING YARDS!!!! Are you kidding me??? The man was a RB and he had over 1000 receiving yards. The year before and the year after, he did pretty much the same thing with more than 900 and 800 receiving yards.

2. Marshall Faulk had more than 2000 yards from scrimmage for 4 years in a row!!!! (1998-2001)

3. As a rookie, Marshall Faulk had more than 1800 yards from scrimmage (1200 rushing/600 receiving) and 12 TDs. AS A ROOKIE!!!!!

4. Even in his waning years (2002-2004), when he was getting old, due to his versatility as a receiver, Marshall Faulk managed to get more than 1000 yards from scrimmage as an aging out-of-his-prime veteran.

Tight End - Tony Gonzalez

This is going to be a moot point in a few years after Rob Gronkowski and Jimmy Graham have had a few years under their belts. But for now, this one is not even close. Are you kidding me? For all of you Antonio Gates fans, just go ahead and compare Tony Gonzalez and Antonio Gates' careers. Look at the total numbers, average numbers, and also durability. Then come back and tell me who belongs on this team as the starting tight end:

Tony Gonzalez Career Stats vs. Antonio Gates Career Stats

Kicker - Adam Vinatieri

Anyone that has played fantasy football knows you just can't spend too much time researching on your kicker. So I won't spend much time here. There are two big factors that go into deciding your kicker. First is the team's offensive powers. Second is the kicker's ability to make kicks. Adam Vinateiri was strong in both. He played for the great Brady's Patriots offense and then for Manning's Colts offense. And we all know the man could make a field goal with the best of them.

Defense - Baltimore

Over the years, there have been many great defenses in fantasy football. Some are pretty new and used to suck. Like the 49ers, Texans, and Jets. Others used to be great but now are not. Like the Buccaneers, Bears, and Eagles. But there has only been one team that has been a true great defense pretty much the entire time during the fantasy football era. That is the Baltimore Ravens! When is the last time you heard the Ravens giving up 30+ points? Can you remember? Me neither.

The Bench

Tom Brady 
See the Peyton Manning Section

Marvin Harrison
Who do you think was the beneficiary of all of those great Peyton Manning years?

Tory Holt
Extremely underrated. The man was a top 5 WR year in and year out.

Antonio Gates
See the Tony Gonzalez section. The only other option is Antonio Gates.

Adrian Peterson
Three words: Fantasy football beast!!!!! Still has many years ahead of him to move into the starting line up if injuries don't keep him out.

Emmitt Smith
One word: CONSISTENCY!!!!!

To summarize, here is my ALL-TIME FANTASY FOOTBALL TEAM

QB - Peyton Manning
WR - Jerry Rice
WR - Terrell Owens
WR - Randy Moss
RB - LaDanian Tomlinson
RB - Marshall Faulk
TE - Tony Gonzalez
K - Adam Vinatieri
Def - Baltimore Ravens
Bench - Tom Brady
Bench - Marvin Harrison
Bench - Tory Holt
Bench - Antonio Gates
Bench - Adrian Peterson
Bench - Emmitt Smith

Thanks for reading!
Yours truly,
The King of Nothing

Extra Sauce = No Sauce (AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!)

If you have been reading my blog, you may have noticed I have a very wide range of variety when it comes to the type of writing I do. Some of my articles are very serious and tackle real world issues like healthcare and education. Some of them are kind of serious/kind of sarcastic commentaries on society. Some of them are about sports. Some are lists and rankings. And some are just straight up rants littered with insults and curse words. Let me tell you right now...this one is going to be one of those. But this is not one of my average rants. It is not just an excuse to type "fuck" 50 times and let out the anger built up from everyday life. Some of you may know this, but a great man once said (As a matter of fact one of the greatest men ever)...cursing is the male equivalent to menstruation. Being recently married, I just learned that women have these things called periods! Who knew? I guess they are necessary for women to release certain substances. In the same way, a true man curses in order to let out what needs to be let out. My menstruation cycle comes in the form of the rants I write on my blog. But this rant is much more than that. It is an issue that is very close to my heart...

Why the fuck is it that whenever you ask for something in today's modern world, you always get the exact fucking opposite? It has a become some kind of hard and fast law of physics that you will always get the opposite of what you asked for every single goddamn time! Like Newton's Law or something. What the fuck has this world come to? Is this what we have turned into as a society? Didn't Darwin say evolution is supposed to make a species better? How the fuck are we going backwards? What the fuck are these people thinking?

Let me give you some specific examples. As a side note, I would just like to say that no matter what I write here, at the end of the day, I still love Taco Bell. But every single fucking time I go to Taco Bell, I ask for some specific things. They not very hard at all to do. Monkeys can figure it out. Or maybe not. The humans working there cannot figure it out so you never know. To make it easier, here is a list of the specific things I usually ask for.

1. Add guacamole on the supreme nachos
2. Add extra red sauce on the bean burrito
3. Put a "whole bunch of fire sauce" in the bag

Now if you asked me to bet every single penny of my tiny financial worth, including my Benz, and you  can even include the lives of my family and friends, I would wager it all on the fact that one or more of those requests will not be made. THESE FUCKING BABOONS WORKING IN THE TACO BELL KITCHEN ARE OUT OF CONTROL!!!!! THEY SHOULD ALL BE ARRESTED, TRIED, AND CONVICTED FOR CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY.

Almost every motherfucking time I get my food, there is absolutely no guacamole on the nachos! Is this too much to ask for? All you have to do it look on the screen and read "add guacamole" under the supreme nachos. Then you take the guacamole dispenser full of old, dirty, not fresh, yummy guacamole and press the button until a bunch of green crap squirts out on the nachos, like a baby taking a shit! It's not that hard. Don't even get me start on the fucking bean burrito. Judging from the amount of red sauce on the burrito, I have no other choice but to think that they are intentionally fucking with me. The amount of red sauce on that shit is so minuscule, that I always wonder if they would have given me more sauce if I had not said anything at all! And do I need to even say anything about the amount of fire sauce packets? Let me ask you a question. Please it answer it honesty. When someone asks you for "a whole bunch of" something, would any reasonably thinking person take that to mean three? Thank you.

Unfortunately, this kind of incompetence is not limited to Taco Bell. Recently I went to Olive Garden, (for the last time ever by the way) and I asked for my pasta to be extra saucy. Do I even have to tell you what fucking came back? That's right. Pasta with virtually no sauce. God help me. Even more unfortunately, this shit is not limited to food. When you order something online, you have to fucking pray harder than Tim Tebow in front of cameras in order to make sure you get exactly what you paid for. When you are getting some work done on your house, you have to literally put yourself all up in the guy's ass and watch his every move in order to make sure he doesn't fuck up. What the fuck is wrong with people? If I had one wish, I would not ask for eternal happiness, or a billion dollars. You know what I would ask for? I WOULD ASK FOR FOR THE ABILITY TO READ THESE ASSHOLES' MINDS SO THAT I CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT, IF ANYTHING, IS GOING THROUGH THEIR FUCKING BRAIN WHEN THEY ARE DOING THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF WHAT I REQUESTED!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I have to take a break. I think I just broke the 'H' key on by keyboard.

Ok I am back. I have written about how our society is being ravaged by a wave of laziness, self-entitlement, carelessness, and dishonesty. But the most dangerous thing out of all of these is INCOMPETENCE. We are becoming more and more of an incompetent race. The events of the movie Planet of the Apes are much closer to being a possible reality than they were say...50 years ago. Forget occupy Wall Street. Forget healthcare. Forget education. Forget the economy. We as a society need to first and foremost fix the problem of incompetence. Because if we don't...like I said before, our society will be going to hell in a hand basket...if the basket doesn't break first.

Thanks for reading!
Yours truly,
The King of Nothing

The Middle Ground. Where Did it Go?

I am not sure if all of you know but a lot has happened since the last time I wrote. Mainly, I got married. Wait a minute...let me retype that in a manner that better represents how I feel about this: HOLY MOTHER OF GOD...I JUST FUCKING GOT MARRIED...LIKE WITH A REAL GIRL AND EVERYTHING...IT'S LIKE HAVING A PERSON ATTACHED TO ME AT ALL TIMES...HOLY SHIT I HAVE A WIFE NOW...HOW THE HELL CAN THAT HAPPEN? I AM STILL A CHILD! I AM WAY TOO IMMATURE FOR THIS... AREN'T THERE LAWS TO MAKE SURE THIS KIND OF THING DOESNT HAPPEN??? HOLY SHIT I AM FREAKING MARRIED!!!

[After a few minutes of blankly staring at the wall contemplating on what the hell has just happened to me in the last few days...] Ok! I am back. So as I was saying...a lot has happened. Besides the wedding, I took three weeks off work...saw and hung out with lot of family and friends-some of whom I haven't seen in years, went on a vacation of a lifetime, had a major health concern with a close family member, and had another family member who just had two twin girls. It was a pretty eventful couple of weeks for sure. But the point is that it provided me with some awesome material for the blog (not that I needed it). Unfortunately, I was so busy, so I didn't even get a chance to look at my blog's stats let alone actually write something. But now I have some free time...so here it goes. 

Do you ever catch yourself saying or thinking, "Whatever happened to...?" Usually when people say this, they refer to something or someone in the past that is no longer in use or seen today. Like VHS tapes, Thrifty ice cream, or the kid from Home Alone. But lately I have been saying more and more of this to myself...and usually referring to CONCEPTS! Things like chivalry, honesty, integrity, good work ethic, etc. So I decided to write about one of those "Whatever happened to..." things. I am sure you all know what the endangered species list is. Well...think of this as an endangered concept. This idea is no longer existent or is very close to being wiped out. It is the idea of the Middle Ground. So here we go...

Have you been following the news lately? Almost every single issue/story/event is analyzed in terms of the very extreme sides of the spectrum. Here are some examples.

1. President Obama is looked at as either the second coming of Jesus Christ by the liberals or a commy socialist by the conservatives. He is somewhere in the middle.

2. Ravi Dharun, the Indian kid who videotaped his gay roommate who later committed suicide is either a homophobic bully who committed murder or a victim of the media's overreacting agenda. People choose to ignore the fact that the kid who committed suicide suffered from many psychological and depression issues long before he met Ravi. He had a family who wasn't totally accepting of his homosexuality. Ravi had actually sent text messages to the kid apologizing for some of the hateful acts he had done. Is he still at fault? Yes. But his true guiltiness is somewhere in the middle of the two extremes.  

3. Gun violence is entirely the fault of pro-gun laws or entirely the fault of people. People either want to completely outlaw guns, or completely allow them. I am sure there is some middle ground that can be found on this issue, like banning assault weapons and/or having stricter background checks and some sort of continual system of checking or testing those that want to buy guns...or something!

When the hell did society become like this? In all of those issues above, the TRUTH is probably somewhere in the middle. I am still pretty young so I am not entirely sure but wasn't there more middle ground back in the day? I do seem to recall in my high school history class the concept of compromise used to come up a lot. When is the last time someone considered the concept of compromise as a first-line resort rather than a last ditch effort? When is the last time Democrats and Republicans actually put the issue ahead of their party interests? One of my lifelong missions in life is to reintroduce this middle ground approach to the world. Any time myself or someone close to me has a problem, I am always going to consider compromise and the middle ground as an option. And believe me, the problems will come. (Read the first paragraph if you want to know why the problems will come...)

Speaking of which, one perfect little example of this already occurred in my young and short marriage life. On the second day after my wedding, my wife and I were planning on going to Universal Studios. Before we left, she asked me if I can show her how to use the washing machine after we come back so she could do laundry. Now, if you know me, you know that I don't know the first thing about how to use the washing machine in my house. So I told her I didn't know how to use it, and she decided she will figure it out later. Now here is the problem that I envisioned in my head after I had this conversation with my wife: Since we were leaving for the entire day, my mom would be home and she would see the dirty clothes in our room and maybe...just maybe...she might have a thought like "Oh, my son's wife didn't think to do anything about this laundry." (I am not saying she had this thought but she COULD have.) And this wouldn't be fair to my wife because she actually DID have the thought. So what should I do?

If you were to solve this problem according to what society does nowadays, which is ignore the middle ground, you would either do one of two things: 1. Leave the laundry and risk making a bad impression about your wife to your mother or 2. Figure out the laundry before leaving the house and be late for Universal Studios and push everything back for the entire day.

Fortunately, there is such a thing as middle ground. The solution might seem very simple to many of you. It may be so obvious that you might think reading this was a waste of time. But you would be surprised how sometimes the most obvious and simple solutions are often ignored...leading to things like failed marriages. The solution was...I told my wife to ask my mom how to work the washing machine before we left. This accomplishes a very important thing. It looks good to my mom that my wife is taking the initiative. Secondly, my mom knows we have to go to Universal Studios so she will undoubtedly say something like, "Don't worry about it because you guys have to leave so I will show you after you guys come back." So it's not DOING the laundry that's important right now, it's about SHOWING my mom that she had the thought to do it. (And after all, she DID originally have the thought, which is the most important thing.) This solution offers the middle ground and is a win-win. And it worked out EXACTLY, like how I had envisioned. See? This marriage thing ain't that hard. I don't know why everybody is trippin...

Since that day, I have made many tiny little compromises. Even a stubborn asshole like me has to sacrifice something if I want a successful marriage. It's too bad our society is going away from this idea. Society as a whole has become one big stubborn asshole. The only way it will learn, is if all of the little individual stubborn assholes that make up the one big stubborn asshole can change the way they approach things and learn the concept of the middle ground. So if you know any of these tiny little stubborn assholes...please refer them to this blog!

Thanks for reading!
Yours truly,
The King of Nothing