Healthcare: Consider It Solved!

When I wrote about how to fix the education system a couple months back, it was a pretty simple solution. Make teachers smarter. Make people take school more seriously. Make education a private industry. Boom! Done! Fixed! Send me the check in the mail America. The healthcare issue however, is a bit more complicated. Don't get me wrong. I am smart as hell...So it's not complicated to me. By complicated I meant that my explanation might be hard for the rest of you to understand. But I am not going to let your stupidity stop me from writing an article about a brilliant way to solve this issue. So let's get started.

Let's first tackle this dumbass question of whether healthcare is a right or a privilege. Who the fuck cares? It's neither. Healthcare is healthcare! It's like any other fucking product or service out there. You get what you can fucking afford! Let's take food for example. Is food a right? Well...that depends on what your definition of "right" is. In terms of the United States constitution, there is some shit in there about everyone being entitled to equality and voting and not being enslaved and civil liberties and all that...but nothing as far I know about being entitled to food or not starving. So in those terms, food is not a right. Some would define "right" on a more primitive basis. They would argue that all humans being born are entitled to basic necessities such as food just on a pure humanity level. These people would say food is a right. But if you are going to argue in primitive terms, why stop there? Take it a step further. Humans are animals. Animals are part of nature. And nature doesn't guarantee shit! Whether it is a tiger in Bengal that can't find prey, a polar bear that can't find fish, or a giraffe that can't find trees in a drought, animals die all the time due to lack of food. Why should nature be any different for humans? In those terms, food is not a right. Do you see what I mean here? These are retarded questions with no real answers that lead to no practical solutions. The whole right vs. privilege bullshit is just some cool play on words being used as political rhetoric in order to influence people. Here is the bottom line: Healthcare is just like anything else in the world. Poor people eat cans of beans that cost 89 cents. Rich people eat 70 dollar lobsters. Healthcare should be the same. You have a right to as much of it as you want, as long as you have the ability to pay for it. Now I know what you are thinking. You might be saying to yourself that what I am describing is healthcare being a privilege. And I am saying that go fuck yourself! If you want to call it a privilege, be my guest. All I am saying is that healthcare is like anything else. Whether you call it a right or a privilege or whatever...makes no difference to me and arguing over it does absolutely nothing to solve the problem. 

Now if you are really smart, your next thought should be this: Healthcare is not like anything else because there are cheap alternatives to almost everything else. If that was your next thought please pat yourself on the back. Because after reading the last paragraph anyone with any kind of significant neural activity in their brain would have that thought. Now let me address that thought. Let's go back to the food example. I mentioned the whole poor people eat beans vs. rich people eat lobsters thing. Smart people would say that at least there are 89 cent cans of beans available for poor people. But what is the 89 cent can of bean equivalent in healthcare? On the whole, all of healthcare is pretty damn expensive regardless of quality of care. Healthcare doesn't provide nearly as much of a range of extremely cheap to expensive luxurious options that food does. Well you know what? I think it does. As matter of fact, I think the cheap version of healthcare is so cheap...that it's actually free! Hell, it might even save people money! It's called........drum rollllllllllllllllllllllll.........PREVENTATIVE CARE!!!!!!

If we are going to solve this healthcare issue as a nation, everyone will need to understand one very important thing. We are not going to solve this only by making laws or policies. A genuine desire and motivation to change one's behavior for the better will be required by masses of people across the country. And the behavior improvement will for the most part need to be on the part of the poor. Listen to me poor people. You are poor. You need to understand that many of the illnesses (diabetes, heart disease, STDs, most infectious disease, AIDS, some cancers) that you are complaining about treating can be PREVENTED. So you have absolutely no right to complain about not being able to afford healthcare regarding those issues that could have been PREVENTED by living a healthier life. Now don't get me wrong. I breathe Taco Bell food instead of oxygen. Often times I eat my biggest meal of the day after midnight. I eat literally zero fruits or vegetables. I drive my benz like a maniac on meth. I drink public water when I visit India. I don't put the paper on the seat when I use a public toilet. In no way shape or form do I live a healthy life. So me telling people to live a healthy life may sound hypocritical. But you know what? It's not! Because I can afford treatment for my eventual diabetes and heart disease. I can afford treatment when I catch hepatitis from drinking sugarcane juice off a cart. I can afford treatment when I break my neck in a wreck. I can afford treatment when I catch gonorrhea from the airport toilet. Those are luxuries I can afford! Just like the 70 dollar lobster. Poor people can't! But guess what? They can very easily avoid all of those things by living a better a life than me and not doing all of those unhealthy things. That's their 89 cent can of beans! So if you know you can't afford healthcare, all you have to do is live healthier...and raise your kids to do the same...and that takes care of 90% of your health concerns.

So what about the other 10%? What about all of those things that cannot be helped or controlled or avoided? Well...first, let's take out the 90% I talked about. Maybe that 90% is actually closer to 60% in reality. Or maybe it's closer to 99%. Regardless, it's definitely the majority and a huge chunk. So if you throw out all of the healthcare costs behind accidents that could have been avoided by driving safer, heart disease that could have been avoided by diet and exercise, all of the diseases that could have been avoided by not smoking, drinking or doing drugs, all of the STDs that could have been avoided by practicing safe sex or abstinence, all of the unwanted pregnancies that could have been avoided by making better choices, all of the mental disorders that could have been avoided by living a better family life, all of the children's disorders that could have been avoided by raising your kids right, what are you really left with? Accidents that couldn't have been avoided, diseases that couldn't be prevented (mainly cancer, etc) and some other miscellaneous stuff? First of all, by eliminating even SOME of the avoidable stuff I mentioned, we are saving the healthcare system TRILLIONS. That's TRILLIONS of dollars being saved by patients, insurance companies, the healthcare industry, and the government. By using some of those trillions of dollars towards making sure EVERYONE is covered from the unavoidable stuff, we have essentially solved the healthcare crisis. Obviously this is easier said than done. But let's just say the first step actually happens. Let's say people who can't afford their own healthcare actually start living healthier...and everyone starts saving on healthcare costs like I mentioned. Then here are some things that would be possible.

1. The Medicare and Medicaid programs don't have to bleed money by paying for all of those avoidable diseases and their treatment. The money saved can be used to:
a. Provide treatment for the poor who have those unavoidable problems. I believe eventually Medicare and Medicaid should be used ONLY for this purpose.
b. Encourage and provide incentives to healthcare professionals to promote preventative care to the poor in turn saving even more money.

2. The insurance companies don't have to spend more money by paying for all the avoidable stuff which means less costs for them but more importantly, they don't have an excuse to raise premiums. Lower premiums means more people can afford to be insured means less burden on the government programs.

3. If most of the illnesses are being avoided, it means there are less people going to the doctor's offices. Doctor's offices might not like that but they can be incentivized by government and insurance companies to do more preventative care. Less people going to the doctors for stupid shit means doctors can spend more time behind someone who actually needs it and provide a better quality of care instead of relying on seeing a high volume of patients in a short amount of time. Same can be said for pharmacies. Pharmacist can then be compensated based on consultations, medication therapy management, and treatment follow-up rather than the volume of prescriptions.

This is just a short list. There are endless possibilities that can happen if we can just get those who cannot afford healthcare to stop needing it so much. But like I said, this cannot happen by some magic law that Obama passes or some policy that republicans and democrats keep arguing over. This kind of genuine change in thought and behavior can only happen if the masses of millions of people can be persuaded to do the right thing. So forget Obamacare or universal healthcare. You have no right to universal healthcare if you don't live a healthy lifestyle. And if you do live a healthy lifestyle, then chances are you probably won't need universal healthcare. And in the off chance that you do need help, it will be available because you saved the system money by living healthily. It's that simple. Or complicated. Now let me get off my high horse and end my lecture on living healthily by eating a tub of buttered popcorn at 2AM before going to sleep.

Thanks for reading!
Yours truly,
The King of Nothing

Dream Chaser? Kiss My Ass!

Did you think this blog thingy was just a phase? Did you think I would get tired of it after a few weeks? Did you think I would run out of shit to write about? If there is anything you should know about me, it is that the list of shit that pisses me off in this world is endless! So being the excellent manager of time that I am, I figured I would shit out my first article in almost 4 weeks during a slow day at work. My first order of business? I feel like it's been a while since I typed some curse words. So let me have my male period and rid my body of toxins by getting the cursing out of my system:

fuck fuck fuck shit bitch cocksucker motherfuck asshole cuntlicker jackass shithead moron fuckface lardass whore slut douchebag jizz faggot homo fuck fuck fuck motherfucker pussy

Ok...that's better! Now onto the issue at hand. There has been way too much of this bullshit floating around nowadays that involves people "chasing their dreams" or "living life to the fullest." I believe Hollywood and Bollywood are the most to blame for this donkey jizz going around everywhere. Think about every single romantic comedy ever made. The girl is always dating a career-oriented well-educated guy who lives by the traditional norms of society. Then she meets some good-looking cool hipster who doesn't care about what society thinks and just loves to have fun and live his life to its fullest. So she ends up leaving the career-oriented dude for the dream chaser. Whenever I see this in a movie it pisses me off so much. Am I the only one that is rooting for the career-oriented dude? Watching these kinds of movie plots has poisoned the minds of young people today.

What the fuck does "living life to its fullest" mean anyways? Now don't get me wrong. I like to have fun too. But there is a difference between "work hard play hard" and "just having fun in life." I am in the "work hard play hard" camp. It really chaps my ass when I see people taking a year off between high school and college or college and grad school to "take a break" or "have fun." What the fuck do you need a break from? Was high school or college that tough that you need an entire year to rest your brain? Do you have any idea what the value of one year is? You are not only losing a year of productivity from your life but what most people don't realize is that they will start their career one year later. Do people realize the implications of that? That's one year's worth of salary. One more year of experience. One more year of practice. Hey ASSHOLE, how about instead of thinking about taking a break and having fun, you man the fuck up and get your shit together! This is exactly what I thought about when I decided which pharmacy school to go to. Even though the school I chose to go to actually started before my undergrad even ended, I chose to SACRIFICE fun things like my graduation ceremony and summer vacation because it meant I would finish pharmacy school one year earlier. Had I not done that, I would be just graduating right now instead of already having worked a year and having a year's experience under my belt. Not to mention I would've been $120,000 lighter in the wallet.

You know what else gets my panties in a bunch? I don't appreciate all of these douchebags who "love what they do for a living" and look down upon the rest of us who hate our jobs. These people make it seem like it is some sort of a crime to have a job you don't like. First of all, it is called work! If it was meant to be something you liked doing, it wouldn't be called work! Second of all, all of you assholes who love your job so much, why don't you just do it for free if you are having so much fucking fun at work? And third of all, there are many factors that determine why people choose a particular career path, and having fun at work should be towards the bottom of that list!

You know what should be at the top of that list? What your family needs! If your daddy is filthy rich you can afford to chase your dreams and go into retarded majors like music, art, film, or literature...then look down  upon those of us in medicine, computer science, or business. But if your family requires your salary to pay the mortgage or buy a car, if you know your parents are going to need your help in the future, and if you know there are people depending on you...then you know what? You just have to give up your long shot dream and your fun lifestyle and just live the life of a boring pharmacist. Or a doctor. Or an accountant. Or a lawyer. Because not all of us can be writers and actors and musicians.

Remember in your high school yearbook everybody had a quote or a motto? Most people's motto was something along the lines of "live life to its fullest." Today, kids are being taught this garbage. I don't remember what my motto was. But I know what I will teach my kids: "Forget living life to it's fullest son. Your motto in life will be to SACRIFICE...because daddy wants to quit his job, work more on his blog, and chase his dream now...so you will have to support him..."

Thanks for reading!
Yours truly,
The King of Nothing

A Letter From Pharmacists To Dentists

As the smartest, wisest, sharpest, and the the most overall greatest pharmacist on the planet, when it comes to the following issue, I would like to speak on behalf all of my brothers and sisters who share the same profession. The issue is regarding dentists and dental offices. Recently, I wrote an open letter to every single dentist and dental student in the world. Was it an imaginary letter? Yes. But that is not what is important. Here is the letter:

Dear tooth "doctors",

You are not real doctors. You went to dental school because you could not go to medical school. Can you say the same thing about us pharmacists? Absolutely. But at least we can blame that on our laziness. You guys are stupid enough to be in school and work just as hard as MDs and still not be considered real doctors. I don't mean to offend you. Many of you are very good friends of mine. But the truth hurts. You may be wondering why I am being such a dick to you. Well, just read the rest of this letter. 

I don't know which fucktard in the government decided that you guys should be allowed to prescribe medications. Probably some corrupt lawmaker who is taking money from the dental lobbyists. But if you guys are going to be prescribing antibiotics for your little dental procedures that can be performed by a nine year-old with Down syndrome, at least have the fucking decency, accountability, and professionalism to know what the fuck you are prescribing. What exactly do I mean by "know what you are prescribing"? I don't know exactly how much teaching they do in dental school about prescription antibiotics. But that is not what I mean. Any halfwit can look through the IDSA or an antibiotics treatment flow chart and pick a decent antibiotic. You may know about the drug you are prescribing but do you really UNDERSTAND the prescription? 

For example, when you prescribe clindamycin solution for a dental procedure, do you really know what you are doing? Now clindamycin may be a perfectly acceptable drug of choice in terms of pure medical science. But do you have any idea how much it fucking costs? Do you understand that your patient has no insurance and that they are not going to pay $70 for a prophylactic antibiotic especially when they just spent $300 at your fucking office? As a medical professional, you need to not only know the science, but also know the patient, and their situation. Just fucking prescribe some amoxicillin or keflex, stick a nitrous tube up your ass (and up mine), and call it a night!

Now go back to the part where I said know what you are prescribing. And this time, I literally mean know what you are prescribing. Too many times in my short miserable career have I come across prescriptions written by dentists with the wrong dosages. Whether it is a drug that is not available in that strength, or an improper dosage, I have spent way too much time and energy calling dentists offices for clarifications, especially when I have the medical expertise to change the prescription and make it appropriate, but do not have the legal ability to do so. So in case you were too hungover to attend this lecture in dental school, here are a couple of lessons that I think you guys should take note of. 

1. Naproxen does not come in 600mg

2. Ibuprofen 800mg should only be taken 3 times per day. 1-2 q4-6h is not a standard sig you can put on anything you write for. Some shit has limits. 

3. Vicodin contains 5mg of hydrocodone and 500mg of acetaminophen. Norco 5 on the other hand, contains the same amount of hydrocodone but only 325mg of acetaminophen. 

4. The official max daily dose of acetaminophen is 4g. The recommended is 3.2g. 

5. 6g is more than 4g. 

6. Max means maximum. 

7. Maximum means you cannot give more than that. 

8. Therefore, if you use logic, you can deduce that 6g of acetaminophen in one day is way too fucking much! Unless of course you are purposefully trying to cause liver damage. In that case, it is perfectly ok! As long as the patient has perfect teeth, it makes no fucking difference to you does it?

9. The sky is blue.

Here is another question for all of you dentists. WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU HIRING TO RUN YOUR OFFICES??? I cannot count how many fucking times I have called and asked to change the drug on a prescription, and the fucking bitch on the other end just goes yea that is ok, without consulting you (the dentist). As if she fucking knows the difference. The following is a list of things/animals/people whose medical opinion is worth the same as a dental assistant's:

1. A rock

2. A retarded rock

3. A monkey who was born 2 months premature and then subsequently dropped on his head 

4. My turd

5. My turd's turd

6. Sarah Palin

7. Sarah Palin's turd

8. A black or Hispanic doctor (oxymoron,if they existed)

Wait, I take it back. The monkey's medical opinion might actually be worth more. I mean seriously. Just because this bitch took some bullshit 6 week course from ITT tech and printed out a diploma on her home printer makes her some sort of an expert on medications? But you know what? I don't have time to fuck around. So if they go ahead and change or approve shit on their own willy nilly, I just fucking take their name down and accept it. (And so does every other retail pharmacist.) That way, when shit hits the fan, we know who to blame. So my dear dentists, please exercise some control over your fucking staff, and be careful who you hire. Also, please don't try to be like real doctors and pretend you are busy when I am on hold on the phone.

That is all. 

From your fellow pretend-doctors, 

Pharmacists!

Thanks for reading!
Yours truly,
The King of Nothing

PS. No hard feelings black or Hispanic people.

The Most Bogus Awards in Sports: NBA

If you have been keeping up with the blog lately, you will notice lately I have been in a mood to write about awards. Recently, I was talking to a friend of mine about awards in sports. I think it was during watching footage of a massive train-wreck...or it could've been during one of the Laker playoff games...same difference. Actually I think an actual train-wreck would probably be more satisfying and less disappointing. Anyways, on the screen, there was a graphic displaying the playoff and regular season records of Lakers head coach Mike Brown, with a footnote stating he won the NBA Coach of the Year award in 2009. That got me thinking...this award is bullshit, meaningless, retarded, and most of all...BOGUS! And with that, I had my next article...the most bogus awards in sports.

Then I started thinking. What are the most bogus awards in sports? When I started listing them, I came to a realization. Guess what it was. ALL OF THE MOST BOGUS AWARDS IN SPORTS ARE NBA AWARDS! Let's break this bitch down:

NBA Coach of the Year

Fact #1: 11-time champion (The most in professional sports history), and someone who is widely recognized as one of the (if not the greatest) coaches, not only in the NBA but in sports history, Phil Jackson, has won the NBA Coach of Year award only ONE TIME in more than 20 years of coaching in the NBA!

This is a fucking travesty. I am not saying this because I am a Laker fan. I am making the same argument for his long-time rival and Spurs head coach Greg Popovich. This leads me to fact # 2.

Fact #2: From the year 1991 to 2010 (20 year span), Phil Jackson (11 rings) and Greg Popavich (4 rings) have combined for 17 finals appearances and 15 out of the 20 championships. But they have combined for only 2 Coach of the Year awards in that span. (Both have 1 each, with Popavich winning a second most recently in 2012.)

Are you fucking kidding me? Ok. here is the deal with this award. I understand it is a regular season award. So the coach that ends up winning the championship is not necessarily the coach that did the best job throughout the regular season. But are you telling me that Phil Jackson and Greg Popovich have not done a better job in the regular season than a lot of the other coaches who have won the award? More often than not, this award has become the award for "The team that was better than we expected it to be." We can't explain why they were better (probably more due to the players playing better than the coach) so we attribute it to the coach and give him Coach of the Year.

Here are some examples:

1. 1992: Don Nelson won the award with Golden State (55-27) over Phil Jackson with the Bulls (67-15) - Nelson definitely didn't have the same roster that Jackson did...but still! The dude won 67 games! And it's not like Don Nelson was coaching a bunch of scrubs. He had freaking Tim Hardaway and Chris Mullin in their primes! And a pretty good rest of the roster as well. But just because they weren't expected to be good and they were, and Phil Jackson had Jordan, Don Nelson won Coach of the Year despite Phil Jackson meeting his expectations and winning a significantly higher number of games. Bullshit!

2. 1995: Lakers coach Del Harris won despite only being 6 games over 500 (48-34). He did a very good job considering he had a limited roster and no real big names. But did he really do that much of a better job than Bob Hill of the Spurs (62-20) and Jerry Sloan of the Jazz (60-22)? I don't think so! Sure they had David Robinson and Stockton/Malone, but winning 60 games in the NBA is impossible without a good coaching job night in and night out.

3. 2000: Doc Rivers won the award despite being 41-41 and MISSING the playoffs! To his credit, he had Darrell Armstrong as his best player. But does that deserve a Coach of the Year award? Nope! Meanwhile...Phil Jackson went 67-15 (AGAIN!) and lost the Coach of the Year award (AGAIN!)

Look...I am not saying the coach with the best record should win Coach of the Year ALL THE TIME. But they should win MORE OFTEN! It's a very hard thing to have the best record in the league. Especially when you are expected to be the best and the pressure is on you to be the best and anything else would be considered a failure. And guys like Phil Jackson, Greg Popovich, and Jerry Sloan have succeeded season after season in that pressure-packed environment. So they should be rewarded for it over some coach who has up and coming players with no pressure to win (Scott Brooks 2010).

Also, just because great coaches have great players, they shouldn't be overlooked when it comes to this award. Phil had Jordan, Pippen, Shaq, and Kobe. Popovich had/has Robinson, Duncan, Parker and Ginobli. It's still DAMN HARD to BE EXPECTED to be THE BEST and then ACTUALLY BE THE BEST. No one has gotten more out of complete NUTJOBS than Phil Jackson and Greg Popovich. Guys like Dennis Rodman, Ron Artest, Robert Horry, and Stephen Jackson would be, and were NIGHTMARES under other coaches. Having them on your roster for an entire should be an achievement worthy enough for this award on its own!


NBA Most Valuable Player

Ok. This going to sound like I am a bitchy Laker fan. But it's not. Seriously. I mean...I am a bitchy Lakers fan in a general sense but not in this situation. Here is the thing about the Most Valuable Player Award. Sometimes they get it right. But too often they get it wrong. And by a HUGE margin. Here is an example:

Ask most hardcore NBA fans from a wide variety of ages to OBJECTIVELY make their all-time 15 player team. (12 active players and 3 injured reserves) Both Shaquille Oneal and Kobe Bryant would be on virtually every single person's team. Some would have them starting, most would have them on the bench, and few would have them on the IR. But they would be on the roster of almost every single person's all-time team. At the same token, Steve Nash would NOT be on most people's teams. And for the few people that would put him on there, he might make their IR or low bench at best! Laker fan or not, we all all agree that most people would have either Kobe Bryant or Shaquille Oneal in their prime over Steve Nash in his prime. Each of them is a better over-all player, better inherent talent, and has had a better career. But when it is all said and done, here is a fact for you:

FACT: Steve Nash has won two MVPs. This is the same amount of MVPs that both Shaquille Oneal and Kobe Bryant have won COMBINED!!! (1 each)

The year Steve Nash won his second MVP (2006...I think), Kobe Bryant should have been the MVP. He was by far the best player in the league, and he lead a very very very TERRIBLE Lakers team (Immature Lamar Odom, Kwame Brown, Chris Mihm, and Smush Parker were his best teammates) to the playoffs single-handedly!!! He averaged 30+ 5 and 5!!!

I don't want to keep going on and on about Kobe Bryant. Because this is not about me being a Lakers fan. But this example is part of a bigger issue. Here is heart of this entire article (I know...it took a while for me to get to it.)


The NBA Awards voters do not always vote for the most deserving player.

NBA voters get way too excited about a story. Take a look at Steve Nash's MVPs. He was a decent PG for most of his careers. A very good player. A border-line all-star. But NOT an MVP caliber player. Then all of a sudden he goes to Phoenix, doubles his assists average, and becomes the heart and best player of a new fast-paced high energy/high scoring Suns offense. What a great story...especially for a white guy! The voters become enamored with the story and they give him the MVP. Had Steve Nash done that for his entire career, he would have never won an MVP. (Because that's exactly what John Stockton did.) Look at Steve Nash's numbers in those 2 MVP seasons. Guys like John Stockton and Isiah Thomas did that pretty much their entire careers. AND they played defense! But they never had a mid-career jump like Nash and therefore no MVPs! Don't believe me?

Here are the numbers:

Steve Nash
MVP Season 1: 15.5 points/ 3.3 rebounds/ 11.5 assists/ 1 steals/ 3.3 turnovers/ 50% FG/ 43% 3pt/ 89% FT
MVP Season 2: 18.8 points/ 4.2 rebounds/ 10.5 assists/ 0.8 steals/ 3.5 turnovers/ 51% FG/ 44% 3pt/ 92% FT


John Stockton
His best Season and pretty much an average season for his career (Came in 9th in the MVP voting!): 17.2 points/ 2.6 rebounds/ 14.5 assists/ 2.7 steals/ 3.5 turnovers/ 51% FG/ 42% 3pt/ 82% FT

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? COMPARE THOSE FUCKING NUMBERS! Both players had the same type of success in terms of winning so that cancels out! Now I do understand Stockton was playing in an era where there were many more great players. But still...if he was an average PG his whole career and then all of a sudden started putting up the numbers I showed, he would have won the MVP too. But he did that shit EVERY year. Everybody was used to it. So there no STORY there. That's why he didn't MVP and Nash did!

You can say the same thing about Allen Iverson's MVP over Shaq in 2001. Shaq was the TRUE MVP pretty much every year from 1998 to 2004. But Iverson finally had a winning season in 2001 and it became a story. Shaq was his usual dominant self and there was no story there. So Iverson wins MVP.

The same thing happened the year before last with Derrick Rose. Lebron James should have won that MVP. But he was part of a NEGATIVE story in the whole Miami fiasco. And Rose was part of a GOOD story that the voters and media became enamored with. As much as I hate Lebron James, he should have won Rose's MVP. I mean just look at the numbers. And the winning. (In the regular season)

The All-NBA teams are subject to this media biased as well. In 2004-2005, Kobe Bryant averaged 35 5 and 5. Are you fucking kidding me? That was his best statistical year. And the dude was on the 3rd Team All-NBA!!! Are you trying to tell me that he was not one of the best 10 players that season??? GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE WITH THAT SHIT! He was part of a negative story line with the whole Shaq and ball-hog thing and therefore, he was not voted on the All-NBA team. I mean with those crazy numbers you HAVE to put a player on AT LEAST the 2nd team. Kevin Love made the second team this year with crazy numbers and even LESS wins than Kobe in 2005. But since Love was not part of a negative story line, the voters had no problem giving him the 2nd team.

The same thing with the All-Defensive team award. BEFORE the whole Shaq debacle in 2005, Kobe Bryant was named to the All-Defensive team (or 2nd team) the previous 5 years in a row. AFTER the whole Shaq debacle in 2005, Kobe Bryant has been named on there the next/last 7 All-D (or 2nd) teams including 2011-2012. But in 2005? Nothing! So are you trying to tell me that in that one year Kobe Bryant's defense was not as good as the previous 5 or the next 7 years? That's a bunch of donkey jizz! How fucking bogus is that? Just because he was part of the negative story line the voters didn't vote for him. It had nothing to with defensive ability!

There are so many more example of this! It's just that I am a Laker fan so for the most part I know about/remember the examples that involve Laker players...so I ended up writing about those. It has nothing to do with me bitching about giving awards to Laker players. If you are smart and objective, you will see that...and you will also see that I am right! It's just a shame that NBA voters become too enamored with media story lines instead of voting based on pure basketball reasons. I would love to write about other examples but this is already turning into a huge article that I think only sports nerds like me will end up reading till the end. So if you want to nerd it out about this topic discuss/argue/share some of these examples, or if you have your own, you know where to hit me up!

Thanks for reading!
Yours truly,
The King of Nothing

PS. I totally forgot about this until a friend pointed it out. Wrap your minds around this piece of turd: Tyson Chandler won the Defensive Player of the Year in 2012 yet failed to make the 1st All-NBA Defensive Team. (He made the 2nd team) Just think about that for a second. This is what you get when you have some awards being determined by the media and other awards being determined by coaches. But most importantly, this is what you get when you have a bogus league!

The Diabetes Awards Part 1: Comedy

Ladies and gentlemen...welcome to the first ever Diabetes Awards! Without wasting any time, here is a quick explanation...

If you know me, you know I am fat...just a little...or a lot...it's all relative...I'm somewhere between Ruben Studdard and Clay Aiken...Ok who am I kidding? I am a lot closer to Ruben Studdard than I am to Clay Aiken. Anyways, if you know me, you also know that I love watching TV shows...mostly on my laptop. And if you know anything about the psychology behind bad eating habits, you know that you shouldn't eat while watching TV because you associate the pleasure from TV, with the food. As a result, every time you watch something, it makes you want to have food even when you are not hungry, and when you do eat, you eat more, even when you are full. That is my problem. I might start watching a TV show like Game of Thrones on my laptop at like 10PM after dinner and because of my bad habits, I end up going downstairs and grabbing some grub because my fatass can't just enjoy the show on its own. So I would say about 75% of the blame behind my weight problem can be attributed to this psychological behavior...and therefore, eventually...when I get older...TV shows will be the single biggest reason why I will have developed diabetes and heart disease in my 30's. Hence, we have the Diabetes Awards! In part 1, we will look at the Comedy Category.

Award for the Funniest Moment of All-Time on Television

This is a very special award. There are two scenes that I immediately thought about when I considered this award. And I couldn't decide! So it's a tie!

Winner 1: Dr. Spaceman Treats Diabetes on 30 Rock - I couldn't find a clip of this on Youtube so I downloaded the episode, cut it, and tried posting it. But some bullshit about licensing and copyrights didn't let me. So I had to put the file on my public Dropbox. Download it and watch it! The Doctor's stupidity is fucking hilarious!

Winner 2: Reno 911 Cat Rescue - I was genuinely shocked and literally laughed myself to near-death when I first saw this on TV. It was fucking hilarious! HAHAHAHA

The "Fuckin' Hilarious" Award for the Funniest TV Show of All-Time:

There are a lot of funny shows out there. Most comedies, even the bad ones, have a few hilarious moments sprinkled in here and there. For example, the first season of The Office is as funny as any of the nominees for this award. 30 Rock probably has more subtle laughs sprinkled in every single sentence of its script than any other show. But both shows are not as funny now as they were in the beginning. The nominees are exactly what the name of the award suggests: fucking hilarious and fucking hilarious all or most of the time. Modern family probably belongs on this list. But it is more of a family comedy...very clean. Even though I love it and I think it is fucking hilarious, unlike the nominees for this award, watching it once would be good enough for most people. It doesn't make its fans want to watch the same episodes over and over again the way the following shows do. There were 6 nominees for this award.

6th place - Reno 911

Total Seasons: 6 (88 episodes)
Channel: Comedy Central
Still on? No
Short summary: It's about stupid cops in Reno doing stupid shit.





Most people might not know the existence of this show. (They probably know the movie.) That's probably why it eventually got canceled on Comedy Central. But it was fucking hilarious.

5th place - Party Down

Total Seasons: 2 (20 episodes)
Channel: Starz Network
Still on? No
Short summary: It's about out-of-work actors working at a catering service until they hopefully land a good acting gig and become famous.



Another hidden gem. You probably haven't heard of this show. It was on the Starz network, which most people, including myself, don't get. But you can download it. It only lasted 2 seasons, but it was funny as fuck.

4th place - Seinfeld

Total Seasons: 9 (180 episodes)
Channel: NBC
Still on? No
Short summary: It's a show about nothing! (If you know the show, you know what I'm talking about. If you don't, watch it!)



This one is definitely not underground. If you don't know about this show, you are either less than 20 years old, or have been living under a rock during the 90's. This show was hilarious. I don't know how the hell it lost all those Emmys to Frazier. That's a joke. Seinfeld was genius at work. It was more of a subtle form of comedy. It made you smirk and giggle more than it made you laugh out loud. (Although it had its LOL moments as well.) But unlike most other comedies, Seinfeld made you think! Not like "playing chess" think, but it made you think in a funny way. You became a funnier person just by watching it. And the person who co-created it, Larry David, is a fucking genius. Straight up. Like Einstein. It's amazing that he has another show on this list.

3rd place - It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Total Seasons: 7 (84 episodes)
Channel: FX
Still on? Yes
Short summary: It's about a bunch of idiot-morons who own a bar in Philadelphia. 



This show is the definition of ridiculous and laugh out loud funny. What's great about "the gang" is that they have no limits. They will make fun of anything and everything. Homelessness, abortion, race, sexuality, it doesn't matter. They will even throw a baby in the dumpster!


2nd place - Curb Your Enthusiasm

Total Seasons: 8 (80 episodes)
Channel: HBO
Still on? Yes...hopefully
Short summary: Larry David is a social nightmare! Sometimes he helps other people...sometimes he's selfish...but either way, you can bet he will get himself into a socially awkward situation.

This man is my fucking hero. Seriously. I plan on writing an entire article on him in the future. If I ever have the great fortune of seeing this genius in person, I am going to gush like a 12 year old girl who saw Justin Bieber. Then I am going to blow him and worship at his feet.

1st place and the winner of the "Fuckin' Hilarious" Award - Arrested Development

Total Seasons: 3 (53 episodes)

Channel: Fox
Still on? No...it's a fucking shame and travesty
Short summary: It's about an Orange County rich white family who breaks a bunch of corporate laws, becomes broke, and tries to keep up their lavish lifestyle, while the only sane family member tries to fix the family business and keep them under control.




I have seen every single episode of this entire show over and over again at least 4 times. Each time I watch it, I find some funny shit that I didn't see before. This show is not only the funniest comedy of all time, but it is one of the greatest TV shows of all-time in general. It has every element of a comedy. Genius, laugh out loud, subtle comedy, ridiculousness, potty humor, funny lines, sarcasm, background humor, etc, etc, etc. You HAVE to watch this show! I don't know what the fuck America was doing when this show was on the air. It received awesome reviews from the critics but the retarded American public was too busy watching reality TV. The fact that this show got canceled due to low ratings is a bigger tragedy than the Holocaust. It's no surprise that Arrested Development has a huge cult following even 6 years after it being off the air. And they are making a new season on Netflix and ending it with a movie! I am looking forward to this event more than I have looked forward to any event of my life, including any graduation, starting a career, my first paycheck, any vacation, moving to America, and my wedding.

The "Homer Simpson" Award for the Funniest Character of All Time:

It is self-explanatory why this award has been named after Homer Simpson. Homer Simpson is the original funny man. Even though he is animated, he was the first ridiculous moron that we all came to know and love. So let's look at the candidates for the funniest character of all time. Because there are so many candidates, I am just going to show pictures. And then I will announce the winner. 

Andy Dwyer - Parks and Recreations

Gob Bluth - Arrested Development

Tracy Jordan - 30 Rock

Charlie Kelly - It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Jim Dangle - Reno 911

Cosmo Kramer - Seinfeld

Frank Reynolds - It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

George Costanza - Seinfeld

Dr. Spaceman - 30 Rock

Dwight Shrute - The Office

Leon Black - Curb Your Enthusiasm

Michael Scott - The Office

Peter Griffin - Family Guy

Stewie Griffin - Family Guy

And the winner of the "Homer Simpson" Award for the Funniest TV Character of All-Time is...

Tobias Funke - Arrested Development

This guy is motherfuckin' hilarious!!! David Cross should have won multiple Emmys for playing Dr. Tobias Funke on Arrested Development. Just watch these videos:

And with that, we conclude Part 1 of the Diabetes Awards! If you haven't seen these shows, watch them! It will cheer you up from your sad depressing pathetic sorry excuse for a life. If you have depression, read my other article, and then watch some of these shows...and stay tuned for Part 2!

Thanks for reading!
Yours truly,
The King of Nothing

The Bullshit Radar Part 2 - Mental Health

In case you missed it, or you need a refresher on what exactly the Bullshit Radar is, here is part 1. Let's just jump right into it. I think the whole mental health field is a bunch of bullshit. And that, would be what you would call an understatement. Let's break this bitch down.

Here is a message for all of you out there in the world that claim you are suffering from depression, anxiety, panic attacks, ADD, ADHD, and all of the other bullshit mental disorders that are being over-diagnosed out there. (Only extreme cases of psychosis are the true mental disorders. The REAL crazy people. The straight jacket type.) We have become a society full of pussies. There. I said it. It had to be said and I just did. So deal with it. Everyone claiming to be suffering from this shit needs to man the fuck up. Nut up. Sack up. Shut up. Whatever you want to say and however you want to say it, the message is clear. All of your bullshit made-up pussy disorders are setting off my Bullshit Radar. 

Depression? Really? Let's take every single person in this country who is diagnosed with clinical depression. Out of that group, let me talk directly to about 70% of you: What the fuck do you have to be depressed about? Seriously. You live in the best country on the planet. There are so many fucking resources spent in this country for the production of entertainment. There are countless TV shows, movies, theaters, clubs, strip clubs, casinos, malls, arcades, video games, playgrounds, recreation centers, camping grounds, hiking trails, whorehouses, swimming pools, beaches, fields, sports games, bars, pool halls, bowling alleys, golf courses, websites, restaurants, extreme activities, amusement parks, theme parks, ski resorts, spas, hotels, comedy clubs, and once again...strip clubs. SO CHEER UP AND MAKE USE OF THOSE THINGS! Because if you can afford to go see a doctor for some bullshit reason like depression, chances are, you can damn sure afford to have some fun! Here is another tip. Whatever is bothering you...whatever is making you depressed...don't think about it. It's pretty simple. Because chances are that whatever it is, it's probably not a real problem. It's probably some silly shit like your dad bought you a forty thousand dollar car instead of a sixty thousand dollar car. There is NOTHING depressing enough in the world that can happen that would cause you to have a so called "clinical" disorder...at least not permanently.

Now, as for the 30% of you that actually DO have something to be depressed about such as being fired, being cheated on, or having a loved one die in a horrible way...you STILL don't have a reason to be LIFELONG depressed. Here is the advice for you. Take a day. Take two. Or even a week. A month. Don't pussy out and go to the doctor with a sad face and ask for antidepressants. Take that time and drown your sorrows in whatever way suits you best. Alcohol, women, gambling, drugs, whatever. But only for that time. THEN GET THE FUCK OVER IT AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE!! As for me personally, I can see myself drowning my sorrows in all of the above in one epic night by getting drunk with whores while gambling and being high on drugs...like a real man. But after that night, I would go on with my life...without antidepressants...like a real man...because your so called depression doesn't really exist. It's all in your head and all you have to do is change the way you think.

I also have a message for those of you suffering from your so called anxiety disorders. Bullshit!!! Here is an idea. Instead of wasting time on a psychologist/psychiatrist/medications, how about you just take whatever it is that is making you anxious, and don't let it make you anxious. Just don't let it bother you. It's that simple. I don't understand why people just can't let whatever it is that is bothering them, not bother them. I do it all the time. Do you really think I like being at work when the pharmacy gets CRAZY busy and chaotic? Do you see me melting down and having a panic attack and being all anxious like a pussy? I had all the reason to do that this past week when a patient passed out on me after I gave him a shot. But NO! I didn't! I was calm. Because I just tell myself that I am not going to let it bother me...like a fucking man.

The same goes for all of these kids running around on Adderall and Ritalin. They don't fucking have a disease. They are just stupid. Nowadays a kid can't just be stupid any more. He has to have some kind of diagnosis for his stupidity. ADD and ADHD are bullshit! They don't exist. At least not in the massive numbers that we diagnose them at. Your kid just needs slap on the ass and a good pep talk. Stop filling his mouth with drugs. And you know what is the main factor in why kids are stupid? I'll give you three guesses. If you don't get it in three guesses, you either are one of them or you have a set of them. That's right...stupid parents and their stupid parenting.

All this pussying out by today's society and coming with bullshit excuses for being sad and miserable has created a whole new bullshit "medical" field. It is called psychology. Most of these so called health professionals don't know shit. They are talking out of their asses just like the diamond salesmen I talked about in part 1. The only thing they are useful for is listening. Human beings just feel better when they vent. When they can talk to someone who would listen. They just need a shoulder to cry on. And guess what? You can do that shit for free with people you know. You don't need to pay a stranger a hundred bucks an hour to do that shit and then have them spit some bullshit out of their mouths.

This might have been my most offensive article. Even more offensive than when I proposed that children dieing might not be such a terrible thing. If you feel offended. I am sorry. Truly. But that doesn't make me wrong. So don't even think about being more depressed. Be angry. Anger is good. (Maybe not good but better than being sad all the time.) Take it out on me. If it would make you a more tougher human being and less of a sad sack of shit, then I will be happy to take one for the team and be your metaphorical or even literal punching bag. I would much rather have an anger problem than depression or anxiety. AND THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A "CHEMICAL IMBALANCE"!!! Even if there was a chemical imbalance, you can just do the shit I told you and get over it. So throw out your Ativan, Ritalin, Adderall, and Xanax. Actually, wait a second...don't throw it out. Just give it to me...I'll "dispose" it in the proper manner if you know what I mean...

Thanks for Reading!
Yours truly,
The King of Nothing

The Bullshit Radar: Part 1 - Cars and Diamonds

Here is a summary of life: You are born. You grow up. You die. In between those things, you learn stuff and gain knowledge about the world. It's amazing how much you have still to learn about the world when you are a child. Thousands of hard drives can be filled by the sheer amount of how much more knowledge an adult knows compared to a child. There are certain things that you can only learn by experience when you grow up and do adult things. The Bullshit Radar is one of those things. (I am capitalizing the term Bullshit Radar in hopes that it becomes some kind of official concept/thing.) Let me explain.

Humans are not born with the ability to recognize bullshit. A baby's bullshit perception is nonexistent. They will believe anything. When you play 'got your nose' with them, they truly believe you are in possession of their nose in your hand. You can even have wild sex in front of a baby and they would have no idea what the hell is going on. It would be pretty much like having sex in front of a retarded monkey in a coma. Then somewhere around the age of 3-4, they start developing some sort of a primitive Bullshit Radar. At that point, they are too old to play 'got your nose' because they can smell your bullshit coming from a mile away. But their Radars are nowhere close to being fully functional. So they still fall for your bullshit lies like Santa Clause and the Tooth Fairy. They even believe the Boogeyman will come and get them if they don't tuck into bed and go to sleep. Then around 9-10 years of age, the Bullshit Radar starts maturing. They can detect the Santa Clause and Tooth Fairy bullshit but they still don't have the ability to understand why mommy and daddy are fighting. They will believe you when you tell them that mommy and daddy are just playing a game to see who can shout louder. If they walk in on you banging, they will believe you when you say daddy and mommy are just wrestling. Then they grow up and become teenagers. Now their Bullshit Radar is going off all over the place. They can sense all kinds of bullshit coming from adults, including their parents, teachers, coaches, and guidance counselors.

So how does someone develop their Bullshit Radar? One word. Experience! A baby eventually realizes you cannot physically remove their nose. Bullshit detected! One year the kids catch you putting gifts under the tree or money under the blanket. Bullshit detected! A teenager finally realizes all those "shouting matches" now make sense after the parents got a divorce. Bullshit detected! With experience, you learn to detect bullshit. The Bullshit Radar becomes fully functional when you finally grow up, make a living for yourself, and go through adult experiences...And with that lengthy but necessary set up intro...I am finally proud to declare that my Bullshit Radar is fully operational!

The car and diamond businesses are two of the most obvious and well known adult experiences that will set off people's Bullshit Radars. But you cannot REALLY know how much bullshit is spewed in these industries until you experience it first hand. Having recently bought a Benz and a diamond ring, I can tell you 99% of what you hear is 100% genuine grade-A bullshit! Diamonds are priced based on clarity, color, cut, spots, etc. Give me a fucking break! Nobody knows shit. The salesman will show you on a microscope that one diamond has some spots or better clarity than another diamond. You can't tell shit! They all look the same. And let's just say that they are right. Even if there really was a difference, if you need a motherfucking microscope to find flaws in a diamond then what the hell does it matter? Nobody is going to fucking walk around with a microscope to show people how flawless their diamond is. All that matters is how they look to the naked eye...and to the naked eye, they all look the same! It's all a bunch of crap to make you spend money. I can take a fancy and shiny piece of glass, put in fancy packaging, fabricate a receipt for ten thousand dollars, and give it to 99% of the girls out there and they wouldn't know shit. Even the so-called experts can't REALLY tell the true value of a diamond without looking at how they paid for it themselves.

Worst than the diamond salesman is the car salesman. A diamond salesman lies to himself when he thinks he knows what he's talking about. But a car salesman lies to YOU. Straight up. I had a salesman tell me he was making literally $60 profit on a Range Rover at the price he was offering me and he could not negotiate even dollar further. I walked out. A week later he called me saying he had lowered the price by thousand dollars. Are you fucking kidding me? So you are telling me now you are going to lose $940 on that car? Get the fuck out of here! I ended up buying a different car somewhere else, but I guarantee you if I go back after another month the price would be lowered another two thousand dollars and they would still be making at least four thousand dollars profit on it. (Actually, just out of curiosity I looked up their price right now and guess what? LOWERED ANOTHER $700! Excuse me for a second while I turn off the alarm on my Bullshit Radar.)

There are so many other things that set off my Bullshit Radar. Some of those things I do not want to share on here because it would offend and upset some of my closest friends. Let's just say...it's complicated. What I REALLY wanted to talk about was the bullshit concept of "Mental Health." When I thought about writing this article, I figured I would start off by writing about the car and diamond examples in the introduction and then move on to mental health, which would be the meat of what the article was really about. But that's just the thing about bullshit...there is so much of it in the world! This article would have become way too long. So I had to split it into a 2-parter (or possibly more). Stay tuned for part 2, where I guarantee the majority of you will be offended/upset/angry after reading it.

Thanks for reading!
Yours truly,
The King of Nothing