Tuesday, February 21, 2012

The GOP is a joke.

Being a man of science and a pretty good student for pretty much the first 24 years of my life, I have come to one very important understanding.

There must be an explanation for everything. I am officially naming this statement "The Safarjan Theory." The name is a tribute to Isaac Newton. "Safarjan" means apple in my mother tongue of Gujarati. We all know the story of Isaac Newton sitting under a tree and an apple falling on his head. Why did it fall down? Instead of accepting the normal standards of thinking and concluding that "it just does" Newton embraced the idea that there has to be an explanation for everything and therefore there must be an explanation for this. He eventually discovered (not "invented") gravity.  So in his honor, I give you "The Safarjan Theory: There must be an explanation for everything.

So anyways, of course any time you come up with an idea and officially turn it into a theory, the very next second a discovery is made that proves that theory false. And that is exactly what has happened here. I have found something that I cannot find an explanation for...and therefore...it breaks the Safarjan theory. What is that thing? FOR THE LOVE GOD, I CANNOT FIND A GOOD EXPLANATION BEHIND WHY THE REPUBLICAN PARTY HAS CHOSEN THIS GROUP OF MORONS TO BE THEIR PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES!!!!!!

First of all, let me start my rant with a disclaimer. I am not, nor do I claim to be an expert on politics. Also, I really do not care all that much about the election results because at the end of the day it does not affect me all that much. And if it does, I am well off enough, smart enough, educated enough, and have a good enough job to adjust and be fine. But it does bother me when I make observations that I cannot explain the reasoning behind. This is one of those instances.

The republican candidates for president are a joke. They seem more like characters from a TV show than somebody worthy enough to be the POTUS. They are freaking cartoon characters. Caricatures of themselves. I mean seriously, how the hell did this happen? Starting with Sarah Palin, the GOP has been one big joke after another. Are all of the republicans secretly getting high and out of touch with reality? What the hell has happened? Please...someone offer me an explanation as to why this group of monkeys are being given a chance at being president...

Mitt Romney? This dude is the front runner of this sad sack of clown candidates. That is like being the best player on the Charlotte Bobcats...you are still going to suck balls. The guy pretty much said he does not care about poor people. To be honest, neither do I. But I am not the one running for president. If you wanted someone to lead your evil corporation, Mitt Romney would be an excellent choice. But for President? You might as well elect Gordon Gekko or Mr. Burns.

Newt Gingrich? Seriously? Have you seen this man? Just look at him. Please. Open a new tab in your browser and google Newt Gingrich. I would put up a picture of him here to make it easier for you but I don't want Newt to be the first picture ever I put on my blog. Does he look like a president? George Washington and Abraham Lincoln would yak in their graves if they knew this dude was running for president. How can we have someone who looks like that be our Commander-in-Chief? The other countries would just laugh at us. And for those of you who think that looks do not matter, you are wrong. But even if you were right, it is not like the dude has great character. Just like how Romney hates the poor, Newt has beef with the Latinos. He called Spanish a language of the ghettos. Once again, no argument here. But once again, the dude is running for president. You cannot say that kind of shit when you are a presidential candidate. What kind of other stupid shit would he say as the president when his words have more consequences? And as for the whole having an affair and then leaving your wife to marry a younger woman thing, it is great if you want to be on the cover of the tabloids. But don't expect to be on the cover of Time magazine any time soon Newt. What a clown...

Ron Paul? First of all, Ron Paul is not a real name. A real name consists of a first name and a last name. Not two first names. Second of all, he kind of looks like Jerry Sandusky. Do you really want someone that looks anything close to Jerry Sandusky in the Oval Office? And you know what? Even if he looks nothing like Sandusky, now that I have created this thought in your brain, everyone will slowly start thinking that he does. Recently, Ron Paul's son was held at Nashville airport after refusing to get a pat-down and comply with security procedures. This kind of stuff doesn't happen to serious candidates. Paul had a chance to earn everyone's respect by not taking his son's side and admit he was in the wrong. But of course he blamed TSA. Needless to say, Ron Paul for president is a joke and if it ever happened, LOOK OUT!

Rick Santorum? Say the words "President Santorum" 10 times. Now say it another 20 times. Can you say it enough times where it finally begins to make sense and fit? Me neither.

Barack Obama has not done a great job. But he has done a decent enough job to overcome these sacks of shit of candidates that the republican party has trotted out. As long as Obama doesn't shower with kids or turn up dead in a hotel bathtub in the upcoming months, he will win a second term. At least that is what I think. It is kind of like how Jason Kidd's New Jersey Nets made the finals two years in a row in 2002 and 2003. The Eastern Conference was absolutely horrible! I don't have anything against President Obama. But if you do, then blame the republican party for giving him a second term.

Thanks for reading!
Your's truly,
The King of Nothing

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