Friday, February 24, 2012

Go green? Why should I?

Considering that I am trying attract readers to my blog, this entry is probably not a good idea. Let me warn you right now. After reading this entry you may leave thinking I am an asshole. A selfish prick. A fat bastard with no heart. But you know what? The little amount of heart that I do have...I like to wear it on my sleeve. (At least on this blog where I can hide behind a computer and write whatever I want without consequences) But in this case, I am not just writing shit to be funny or for the shock value. This is really how I feel about this issue. So when I say...I CAN GIVE A RAT'S ASS ABOUT THE ENVIRONMENT...I really DO mean it...

Since I really like lists...let's first list how many ways I can say that I do not care about the environment. I already mentioned one of the ways in the above paragraph.

1. I don't give two shits about the environment.
2. I don't give a [insert 4 letter word here] about the environment.
3. [Insert 4 or 5 letter word here] the environment!
4. I care about the environment as much as I care about the health and safety of the republic presidential candidates.
5. If I could save either Taco Bell or the environment...haha well c'mon now is that even a question?
6. Go green? I would rather take a dump and go brown.

Ok that's enough of that. Don't get me wrong. I enjoy nature. If there is a camping trip happening I will be the first one to pitch that tent. Whether it is swimming, hiking, kayaking, snowmobiling, or sightseeing, I love the outdoors. A very nice and innocent person asked me once, "What do you have against the environment?"

I got nothing against the environment sweety. I don't go out of my way to harm it. I will not actively take a day off work to burn a tree, or rape and murder a polar bear on the weekend. But if it means changing the way I live daily (like keeping an extra bin for recycling or going and finding a used piece of paper to scribble on instead of grabbing a brand new sheet) or experiencing any kind of worldly discomfort (like not turning on the AC or heater or conserving electricity/gas/water), then the environment can go to hell for all I care...

I think the whole "if we don't stop we will burn out all of Mother Earth's natural resources" argument is a  bunch of donkey jizz. We have seen throughout mankind's history that new sources of energy are always being discovered. The very first cavemen discovered they can burn dry leaves. Then they learned to dry cow dung and use that. In the bronze age, they discovered coal. Then they discovered hydraulic energy. Then someone invented the wind mill. In the bronze age they discovered coal. In the 17th century steam power was invented. Then someone discovered natural gas. In the 1930s someone discovered nuclear fission which led to nuclear power. In the 1980's the first solar plants were built. What is the point?

The point is that we are a freaking smart ass species. There are so many resources available on this planet it's inconceivable. But nevertheless, they are finite. So whenever in the future (100, 1000, million years from now) they do run out...guess what? WE WILL FIND ANOTHER RESOURCE. BECAUSE WE ARE FREAKING SMART (not me personally...I am a lazy idiot but I am talking about some Chinese scientist of course...) Bio-fuels are already being researched and are one of the fastest growing industries. Ethanol, methanol, hydrogen, corn oil, whale blubber, donkey jizz, whatever it is, we are and will be smart enough to make it into a fuel source. So leave the AC on for 10 minutes before you get into that car because if we ever run out of oil, we will use something else. Leave that faucet on while you walk away because if we ever run out of water we will find other ways to get it. Throw away that piece of paper even though it has nothing on it because if we ever run out of trees, we will find another way to make paper. So who cares? None of that shit is going to run out any time soon. And if it does we will find a way to replace it.

We are a culture of consumption. I say we embrace that to the fullest. There is enough oil in Alaska to drown the entire Middle East. What the hell are we saving it for? Use it up. All of it. Then go and find more. And if it's all out...dig deeper. Or find another way to fuel our SUVs. Resources are there for a reason. It doesn't matter if you believe that God put them there or science did. Either way, they are meant to be consumed. As for the depletion of the ozone, melting of the icecaps, and "global warming"...I DONT CARE! All of that stuff (if it is even happening) has consequences that are so far down the line. We will all be dead by then, including all of you that are reading this. Before I die, I prefer to worry much more about the past and present than the future. I am and will be spending way too much of my life regretting the past and complaining about the present to be worrying about what is going to happen after I die. I don't care...If you do then great...but don't expect me to.

Some people keep saying that if we continue our "un-green" ways then we are leaving a huge problem for future generations. Who the hell cares about future generations? Every generation has its own set of challenges they must deal with. This will be theirs. Honestly, after I am dead I won't care about my kids' kids' kids' kids' kids... After maybe four or five generations are they even your relatives anymore? Why should I be less comfortable or go out of my way to change my habits for the sake of someone hundred years from now? Give me a reason...

Here is the problem I have with people that claim to care about the environment. I am sure there are legitimate people out there who truly do care. But caring about the environment has become such a hip and trendy thing to do. It reminds of how everyone put an American flag on their car after 911. It got to a point where you had  to get one just to show other people. When people buy hybrids, they say they care about the environment. Let's triple the base price of the Prius. Would they still care about the environment? People do things like buy hybrids or get solar panels for mainly one of two reasons. 1) They think they can save money 2) They want to show their neighbors/friends/relatives/society that they care about the environment. Nowadays, if you don't care about the environment, you are basically an old prude who eats puppies. You may not agree with all of this, but let's reverse the situation. What if caring about the environment was somehow the uncool thing to do? What if being green was not such a positive thing in society? Would the number of people "going green" would be the same? Hell no!

I am not saying we should all go out and dump a trashcan in the forest or spill a barrel of oil in the ocean. If you truly and genuinely care about the environment, then fine. But if someone wants to drive a hummer or not go out of their way to throw plastic bottles in a separate trashcan, then don't make them feel guilty. Contrary to what many believe, it is not our duty to conserve Earth's resources. But it is our duty to do what is convenient and comfortable to us. And that is exactly what I am doing. Speaking of convenience and comfort, I have to go take a dump. And I am probably going to flush at least three times. Not because I don't care about the environment or to prove any kind of point, but just simply because it will be absolutely necessary to!

Thanks for reading!
Your's truly,
The King of Nothing


  1. You've literally brought me to tears. You know how I feel about this topic and if there's one thing I will do before I die, its to help you learn to recycle, compost and just be a more caring person towards the environment. Once again, just opposites.

  2. Mukesh! My name is Shelley Thomas and I'm a producer at HuffPost Live, The Huffington Post's new online streaming news network.

    I'd like to invite you to join this discussion with us via webcam today, Monday, 10/1 at 5:00pm EST. Our topic is:
    Not Easy Being 'Green'
    Environmental Issues Take Backseat In 2012 Race Environmental issues have taken a back seat in the 2012 campaign, despite the clear policy differences between the candidates. Is "green" not a winning issue?

    Here is the key article:

    Our ideal guest does not really care about the environment or think it's an important issue right now. I'd love for you to join us! Please let me know if you're interested and available.

    Shelley Thomas